In case you were wondering...

Remember the good ole days when naughty texts were reserved for middle schoolers and Vanessa Hudgens? Well friends, those days are no more. According to the AARP, sexting is on the rise in the 50+ age bracket. Don't believe me? Read for yourselves or watch the news segment here. 

If you're not giggling yet, try this one on for size. The AARP published an article a few months back offering a step-by-step sexting guide for senior citizens. They say:

Step 1 – Fan the Flame: New to sexting? "Sexpert" Genie James recommends texting a quick love note to your sweetie during the day. Some of her favorites are, "Love you most," or "I still want to go to the prom with you!"

Step 2 – Turn Up the Heat: When you're comfortable, try texting something slightly suggestive, James says. "Can't wait until tonight" would work even for shy novices. Feeling bold? She recommends turning things up a notch with something along the lines of, "Forget chocolate, I am craving the taste of you!"

Periodically – Houseclean: If you're sending or receiving racy notes or photos, delete them every so often, advises relationship coach Suzanne Blake. "If you lose your cell phone or it's stolen, pictures can be uploaded in a heartbeat." –And that's not to mention the possibility of your teenage kids innocently flipping through your texts or photos.

Always – Stay Grounded: If you're dating, keep expectations based on sexting in check, says psychotherapist and advice columnist Dr. Jonathan Alpert. Just because you're getting hot and heavy texts, that doesn't necessarily mean you'll get hot and heavy in person.

Yeah. That happened.

In case you were wondering...

When I mentioned eBay's new ad campaign yesterday, it struck me that not everyone is familiar with the comedic stylings of the wonderful (if creepily pale) Jim Gaffigan. Here's some background: The dude's from a large Indiana family, somehow got out of the state and in 1988 graduated from Georgetown's business school.

Since then he's gone on to pursue a successful acting career, having played parts in everything from cult arthouse picks like 2002's Igby Goes Down and last year's Away We Go, to TV appearances as far and wide as Law & Order, That 70's Show, and Sex and the City. That said, he's probably more well known for his Comedy Central specials and frequenting late night talk shows with his decidedly hilarious material. It's great, relatively PG-13 comedy (the raunch factor is low-- gluttony and sloth are by far Gaffigan's most frequented topics), punctuated by hysterical, high-pitched asides.


If you enjoyed that, odds are you'll enjoy most of his material. You can either go on a YouTube adventure and watch  more of his stand up, order his newly released album "King Baby" on iTunes,  or, you know, get tickets to see him live sometime soon. Check out JimGaffigan.com

In case you were wondering...

In honor of the comedy troupe's 40th anniversary, Gnews has taken it upon itself to rank Monty Python's top twenty sketches. It's pretty much brilliant. I'll post the classic Dead Parrot here for you to enjoy, but if you're looking for a few more laughs, be sure to check out the full listing here.

In case you were wondering...

I am obsessed with Harry Potter. I love him. Knowing that I am of an excitable nature, then, imagine my reaction when I was informed that the 20-acre 'immersive' Harry Potter theme park called 'the Wizarding World' will be opening this spring at Universal Studios in Orlando. Above is a virtual tour of the park-- which looks, needless to say, freaking sweet.

Budgeted at around $200,000,000 dollars, the Wizarding World will be complete with a Diagon Alley/Hogsmede amalgam -- home to Olivander's, Zonko's joke shop, and Honeydukes candy store, the Three Broomsticks (which will serve butterbeer. Actually.) and, of course, the iconic Hogwarts castle. Visitors will be about to shop, eat, and enjoy rides inspired by Hippogriff flight and the tasks of Triwizard Tournament. I wonder if there will be a giant chess board....

If you want to know more, check out the official website here.

Oh em gee. Spring break here I come.

In case you were wondering...

LAMB vs. LAMB

Oddly enough, the world's most expensive lamb doesn't have a big V-12 and 630 horses. It's not meticulously upholstered in Italian leather. It doesn't come in canary yellow. Oh, no. Because the world's most expensive lamb is actually a sheep.

Baa.

At a recent sheep auction in Lanark, Scotland, Jimmy Douglas paid roughly $392,000.00 for the 8-month old 'Devonshire's Perfection'-- the highest price ever paid for a single lamb and almost double the amount of the previous record.

The BBC article features a post-auction video of the proud new owner, who appears to be explaining his rationale for shelling out big bucks for a friggin sheep. Problem is, Mr. Douglas's Scottish accent is so thick that I can't understand a word he's saying. Except for maybe 'fur'. And 'aye'.

Maybe it's just me, but beyond what promises to be the world's priciest rack of lamb, I'm not sure what this guy is getting out of this.

Watch the video here, and then tell me what you make of it.

In case you were wondering...

Tim Watters, the so-called 'world's greatest Bill Clinton impersonator' has grossed $1 million dollars in a year, owns six cars and two beach houses. No wonder that this year, at the Annual Convention of Celebrity Impersonators, actors like Ron Butler (above) are participants in the race to become the number one Obama impersonator. How very bizzare.

Read all about it here.

In case you were wondering...

The most popular*story on CNN's homepage today is titled: FDA says residue is frog or toad; how did it get in Pepsi can?
The story highlights, as selected by CNN.com are the following:

• Fred DeNegri and wife found matter resembling "pink linguini" in Pepsi can in July
• FDA concludes blob is toad or frog "lacking internal organs," not sure how it got there
• FDA examined bottling plant in Orlando, did not find anything connected to incident
• Pepsi says FDA's finding affirms its confidence in integrity of manufacturing system

Woof. Read the whole story here.

* Ok, so I know its an important (and gross) story, but does anyone else think its sort of sad that this is the kind of news to which America responds? Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that there is a Middle-East peace process to which we should be tending.

In case you were wondering...

According to a study presented this week at the American Chemical Society's annual meeting, over 90% of the American cash paper money supply is contaminated with cocaine. To this I say,

Dear America,

Stop having so much fun. You'll get nosebleed filth all over our great country. Dolla dolla bill, y'all.

Sincerely,

Dom.

If you're curious (which I know you are), read more here.

In case you were wondering...

Today was a raisin filled day. I had Raisin-Bran Crunch for breakfast. At lunchtime, I enjoyed a few Sun-Maid goldens. Shortly thereafter I snacked on some chocolate and yogurt covered raisins. Later still, I was offered some regular old, run of the mill raisins. Weird, I know, but do me a favor and stay with me for a second.

Amidst this onslaught of raisins, two facts came to my attention: 1) regular raisins are made from green grapes* and, 2) golden raisins are approximately 562% better than regular raisins**. As per usual, I set out to explore this knowledge.

Now, I may have been extremely naïve or uninformed, but before today, I'd always been under the impression that regular raisins were made from purple grapes, and golden raisins from green ones. This, of course, is far too simple and logical an explanation.

As it turns out, both traditional raisins and golden ones are made using the same variety of green grape, the Sultana. The difference of the dried fruit's color the lies within the method of dehydration. Traditional raisins are sun-dried, and thus owe their darkened color to sun exposure. Golden raisins are treated somewhat differently. In order to preserve the light color, the grapes are oven dried, and then treated with sulfur dioxide. This also makes for a meatier raisin***. Or so they say.

Other things I learned in my quest to know more about raisins:

• Zante currants are not made from currants but rather from black Corinth grapes. I want to know why they don't just call them Zante raisins. Stupid, is what it is.
• Grapes and raisins can be toxic to canines. I found this particularly upsetting because I often share grapes with my dog****.
• Between the 16th and 19th century, there existed a game called Snap-Dragon, in which raisins were extracted from a punch-bowl of flaming brandy. It's unclear what they did with the brandy once the raisins were removed, but it can't have been particularly responsible.
• The Sun-Maid girl does yoga.

* I discovered this on the back of the big bag of Raisenets.

** I estimated this by applying my deep knowledge and keen understanding of correct choices and percentages.

*** This makes sense. If you leave a person out in the sun for a while, he/she makes the same transition as a grape does to raisin; turns brown and dry and wrinkly. Furthermore, the apparent reason for which golden raisins are so exponentially superior to the traditional variety is that golden ones are treated with chemicals. Like McDonald's. And outdoor music festivals.

**** I'm not that worried about it, though. He once at 1 kg (2.2 lbs) of Swiss baking and semi-sweet chocolate, which is many times the lethal dose for a dog his size. Armed with this evidence, I'm fairly certain he's indestructible by any means of gastrointestinal sabotage.

In case you were wondering...

You may have heard about this but just to recap, last week in New Jersey, federal officials arrested over 40 people-- including New Jersey statesmen and the mayor of Hoboken-- in conjunction with an FBI case that alleges counts of political corruption, money laundering between the U.S. and Israel, and human organ trafficking, all supposedly masterminded by a bunch of rabbis.

Ok, first I have to ask: is it wrong that I think this is funny? I mean, honestly. Rabbis. I'm sorry, but that's hilarious.

Anyway, the reason I mention all of this to you is that today, NPR ran a followup story. What did they talk about, you ask? Oh, they interviewed a former CIA and Treasury agent to explore one key question: "How does one launder money"

If you weren't laughing before, you have got to be now. NPR wants to make sure you know how it's done, folks. How just... considerate... of them. Mmmm.

The hilarity of the premise aside, I actually learned something from the story and so, in case you were wondering, I thought I'd do a quick How-to on money laundering. Hopefully I, like NPR, can go down in history for civic responsibility; as a good samaritan that aided civilians in their daily endeavors. Like crime.

How to Launder Money

Step 1: Placement

Here, you can do one of two things. You can either hire a truckload of workers to deposit small amounts of cash in different banks, or you can open a cash-intensive front business (think like the restaurant or laundromat type), and add small amounts of dirty cash in with business revenues.

Step 2: Layering

Now that your money is in the banking system, you have to move it around. After all, the authorities aren't going to believe that the owners of an ice cream parlor are sitting on $2 million of savings. Transfer the dirty stuff into an account off shore. Your best bets would be Switzerland or the Cayman Islands.

Step 3: Integration

Go to Neiman Marcus. Get yourself a treat. I mean, obviously you deserve it.

I hope that was helpful. If you're curious you can go have a listen to the NPR feature here, and read the Washington Post's original coverage of the story here.

In case you were wondering...

Did you know that Meat Loaf's birth name is Marvin Lee Aday? Because I didn't. Did you know that there is an official Meat Loaf fan club? Me neither. Finally, (and I've saved the best for last, here) did you know that you can follow Meat Loaf on Twitter? Because you can. Oh yes, yes you can.

I think I'll conclude with this video, in which Meat Loaf tells us, oddly enough, not to eat meat. Weird, right?

(P.S. I do apologize for the 80s kick on which I've been lately. Hopefully this decade will work itself out of my system soon)

In case you were wondering...

This is a photograph of the Fairy Cottage in North Berkeley, CA , home to the Belladonna Fairy Camp-- for girls aged 6-10. Yes, you read correctly. No, I am not kidding. Honest to god fairy camp. 

What does fairy camp entail? When interviewed by USA Today, camp director Jodi MacMillan says:

"Belladonna girls learn to perceive auras with clairvoyant counselors... and explore their individual spirituality and the entire rainbow of expressions and ideas."

Course offerings at the "magical eco-arts day camp" include but are not limited to the following: 

• Fairy fashion
• Fairy house design
• Potions
• Divination
• Fluttering 101
• Animal telepathy

Also of note is the portfolio of camp employees. Counsellors possess such qualifications as  "certified flower essence practitioner", "Priestess of Song", and "reality shifter". Additionally on staff is Rex the Golden Retriever, "a powerful telepathic communicator... available for the girls to practice interspecies [sic] dialogue". 

Now, if this seems like your cup of tea, too bad. The Belladonna Fairy Camp is fully enrolled for 2009. You can, however, register to be on the wait list. 

***

If you're like me, you are positively astounded by this unbelievable nugget of information. Imagine my surprise, then, upon Googling "fairy camp" and receiving over 8,000 hits. I guess that it's fair enough, though-- all in all, it beats the living hell out of Jesus Camp. 

In case you were wondering...

This is the pro-life case for masturbation, delightfully explained by William Saletan.

In case you were wondering...

The Anatomy of a Great Salad

1. Greens- anything from spinach to a mesclun mixture will work. Just pick out something fresh and crisp and rich in color. Avoid lighter-green, cabbage based lettuces like iceberg as these have little flavor and virtually no nutritional value.
   
2. Salt- The easiest thing to do here is use cheese- go for hard cheeses like sharp cheddar or parmesan, or crumbly ones like feta, bleu, or chevre. You could also use a meat like prosciutto  or smoked turkey.
3. Sweet- Now this may seem counter-intuitive, but fruit is awesome in a salad. Raw fruit is great, but you can also try sautéing it with 1/2 a tablespoon of butter and a pinch of sea salt - berries, peaches, apples, pears, plums and apricots and melon are all delicious. I wouldn't recommend bananas, but then again I really, really hate bananas.
4. Crunch- Nuts or croutons work here. If you're using nuts, put them in a small frying pan and toast them over medium heat for about 2 minutes, or until they become fragrant. The heat helps release a lot of the nuts' flavor. 
5. Dressing- I  make my own using  2/3 olive or nut oil (never vegetable), 1/3 flavored vinegar (anything but white- I like balsamic, champagne, or tarragon vinegars), salt and pepper. If you're feeling ambitious, throw in a tablespoon or two of dijon mustard and some minced garlic or shallot. If your feeling lazy, go out and buy any balsamic vinaigrette.

 

Honestly, a salad is about the easiest thing in the world to make. So,  for the benefit of even the most culinarily disinclined individual, I've just jotted down a simple formula that guarantees a delicious salad, every time-- but, obviously, this isn't the only way to do it. Many awesome salads are vegetable, and not lettuce, based. They include proteins and two salts and no crunch and are still just as good. The nice thing about my method, though, is that it is flexible to the current contents of your fridge, it takes away the rigidity of a 'real' recipe and allows you to be creative, and it is, without fail, always delicious. If you don't like open-ended directions though, here's a great recipe from Food & Wine magazine. Otherwise... go enjoy.

In case you were wondering...

this is what it takes to be a ninja.

i don't have it.

In case you were wondering...

At $23 billion, the personal wealth of the Walton family is larger than that of the bottom third of the American population combined. That's 100,000,000 U.S. Citizens.

Holler at a Walton. 

In case you were wondering...

Pre-Saved by the Bell Mario Lopez was on the Golden Girls in 1987 in the episode "Dorothy's Favorite Pupil". He plays a 12 year old kid named, funnily enough, Mario Sanchez, who gets deported to Mexico.

Pre-ER George Clooney is featured two episodes later, in "To Catch a Neighbor". He plays a cop and has 7 lines. He has since undergone extensive orthodontia. He was still a dreamboat.

In case you were wondering...

how to euthanize fish.