top 3 phrases I overuse

#1 ... As such

#2 ... That said

#3 ... Variations of  'I'm not kidding'

I'm acutely aware of these issues. That said, they're probably not going to change.

For the romantic inside everyone

I won't argue with anyone who calls me a cynic: I seek out patterns, prefer tangible evidence to emotional claims, and generally speaking, am quite scientific in my overall decision making process.

But if you were to strip away the rational, logical layers of my mind, what you'd find is a hopeless romantic*. Yes-- I love seeing people saying goodbye in the airport and little old couples who are still crazy about each other after 50 years together. That said, it's worth mentioning that I have a lower tolerance for cheesy lines and contrived moments than some of my friends, but I'll admit that I'm a sucker for a well crafted Hollywood love story. So, in honor of Valentine's Day-- a holiday dedicated to the institution of love-- I've carefully compiled a list of my five favorite movie kisses. On behalf of the romantic that I believe is inside us all, here they are:

5. 10 Things I Hate About You (1999): 
No, I'm not kidding. Think about it for a second-- paintball, a roll in the hay, and Semisonic-- need I say more? Other notable romantic moments in that flick; Heath Ledger singing 'Can't Take My Eyes Off of You' to Julia Stiles-- accompanied by a marching band. Yes.

4. Spiderman (2002):
I know that this particular scene shows up in quite a few "best kiss" lists, but there's clearly a basis behind its repeat appearances-- classics are classics for a reason. The anonymity... the rain.. the upside-downess... you just can't argue with any part of that.

3. Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961): 
First of all, if you haven't seen this movie, we're not speaking until you do. Beside being on my favorites, this is one of the most romantic movies of all time, period. It makes sense then that it's final scene ends with one of the most romantic kisses of all time. Audrey Hepburn is perfect, George Peppard is perfect, the rain** is perfect, and the cat is, you guessed it, perfect. Enjoy.

2. Slumdog Millionaire (2008): 
I know it seems like a cop out to put such a recent movie on this list, but let me explain. The beauty of this moment is situational; through the movie Jamal and Latika's love is purely psychological. I feel that Hollywood tends to use physical intimacy to solidify its portrayal of love, so the fact that director  Danny Boyle manages to create such a beautifully convincing love story without so much as a peck on the cheek is amazing to me. The film ends at the simple moment that Jamal and Latika's lips first touch-- I know that I could be wrong, but to me, this sweet, chaste conclusion does more to illustrate the nature of human love than anything else I've seen. Note: I couldn't find a way to embed the whole last, but I'll tell you right now that the buildup to that last moment makes it 82% better. If you're feeling sentimental, here it is.

AND my favorite movie kiss of all time is....

[drumroll, please]

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1. Lady and the Tramp (1955): 
I just don't think it gets better than this-- the music, the stars, and accidental nose bump when they unknowingly share the same noodle combine to make what is in my humble opinion, the most romantic movie kiss of all time. And the cherry on top? The fact that the Tramp offers Lady the last meatball. God, it just melts my heart.

*Note: hopeless romantic is just a nice way of saying ridiculous sap.


** I know, I know... rain again, but for some reason inclement weather just does it for me. 

The Post-Halloween Roundup

Hi all, I hope you all had a fabulous Halloween weekend over which you found yourselves making good decisions and correct choices across the board. I thought close out the week with a list of my top five favorite* costumes from yesterday:

5. The kids from LAIRE**: If you haven't seen Role Models, it's worth it just for the final battle

4. Holy Cow: A cow costume, complete with angel wings and a halo. Smart, right? I mean... I thought it was, you know, clever.... God, I'm lame.

3. Greenman: I saw a number of people in the now iconic green spandex wreaking havoc wherever they went. Upon further consideration, I felt as though my behavior might have eclipsed theirs should I have ever donned the suit. If you were wondering, you can buy your very own Greenman costume for begreenman.com.

2. Tommy Pickles: That's right, folks. Imagine a large, hairy man dressed in nothing but an adult diaper and a baby blue t-shirt. Yeah, I wasn't mad about it either.

1. Hot Dog Dog: I saw a short-haired daschund dressed up as a hot dog and burst out laughing in the middle of the street. Seriously, I couldn't contain myself. He wins the 2009 costume contest.

For those of you who were wondering, I dressed up as Where's Waldo? Needless to say I spent the entire evening being stopped in the street by strangers who would then proceed to scream "I FOUND YOU. Hey guys! Come here, I found Waldo!" Did anyone else see or have good costumes?

* An honorable mention goes to my contributing blogger Nick Wing. He got himself some skinny jeans and a really good wig and rocked DC as Aldous Snow-- Russell Brand's character from Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

**Live Action Interactive Roleplaying Explorers

In case you were wondering...

In honor of the comedy troupe's 40th anniversary, Gnews has taken it upon itself to rank Monty Python's top twenty sketches. It's pretty much brilliant. I'll post the classic Dead Parrot here for you to enjoy, but if you're looking for a few more laughs, be sure to check out the full listing here.

So, You Hate Football

Football season is finally in full swing. For lots of people, this means the return of an obsession. A chance for their team to rise to glory, to continue past ways of victory, or emerge from the ashes and finally have a good season. For the football-hating loved ones of these fans, however, this season signifies something different, the loss of weekend time with the obsessed. So, here's a short list of things you can do to win someone back from the grasp of must-watch sports programming. (Notice: Author does not guarantee or recommend these actions.)

1. Play Along

This is perhaps the easiest solution, though for some the most painful. Just pretend you like watching football too. Buy a Tom Brady jersey and wear it on Sundays. Learn some football jargon, (eg. "field goal," "interception," "touchdown") and scream when appropriate. The football fan might be excited that you're at least willing to feign interest toward something they feels passionate about. A difficult but generous compromise/sacrifice for the betterment of your relationship.

1a. Play Along (Alternate Version)

This option is for anyone who really can't stand watching a 200 minute football game, let alone four or five in a weekend. Still buy the Tom Brady Jersey. Now, research the personal love lives of football's celebrity crossovers. Loudly discuss the latest tidbits of their personal lives, even if they're not playing. Only pause from these ramblings to improperly use football terminology at key moments in the game: "Sack," "safety," "blitz," use them all whenever you feel like it. Also, make sure to ask "was that bad?" whenever the fan looks especially upset. Though your loved one might secretly hate you for using this spiteful tactic, the odds of them becoming so frustrated that they actually stop watching the game, at least at your house, are pretty good. You win!

2. Love Ice Skating

Football fans cower at the sight of ice skating. It is their kryptonite, one of the few forces that can repel a football-loving human from a TV that is, at that very same moment, fully capable of projecting a primetime football game. This is unfortunate, because there are plenty of reasons to watch ice skating. Hot women, awkward gender confusion, ridiculous costumes, and the frequent and embarrassing wipeouts compounded by cold ice on the ass. The real enemy of televised ice skating, or ice dancing, is football. These events are conveniently broadcast on TV only on Saturdays and Sundays. You can be assured that during any (regular season?) televised skating competition, a few clicks of the remote can quickly change the screen from pristine white ice to rugged green football field. It is your job to keep this from happening.

You must embrace and adore ice-skating: insist on watching it whenever possible, learn the names of ice skaters, research the drama filled histories of ice dancing partners, identify the different spins, whatever it takes to convince your loved one that you will be incredibly unhappy if ice skating is not on the TV. I understand this is may be a complex, character defining charade, but how important is this battle to you?

3. Take up a demanding religion

Another extreme identity shift, I know, but a problem this serious warrants an action this radical. Religion is often the best excuse for anything because it is nearly impossible, or at least extremely risky, to call somebody's bluff. So, get affiliated, get denominated, start practicing. If you want to get really creative, combine a few religions. Form a devout hybrid of Judaism and Christianity. On Saturday, insist that your loved one observe the Shabbat. On Sunday, take them to a prolonged Christian church service of your choice. After creating the Heavens and Earth did God take his day of rest, on either Saturday or Sunday (or in this case both), to watch football? Nope, so why should they?

In the end, if none of these solutions seem viable, it's probably because they aren't. Sure, it's possible to make more drastic steps (withhold sex, conversation, eye contact, or any other staple of a relationship, as retribution for watching football, or change the channel to home shopping or a Joel Osteen sermon and hide the remote). It's also possible to take more practical steps (have a serious conversation about such life-consuming addictions, or get HBO and convince them that its Sunday television lineup is better than watching a bunch of big, sweaty dudes run around on TV). But the lesson here is really that it is nearly impossible to forcibly tear a die hard fan of anything away from their passion. Trying too hard to do so will most likely destroy your relationship, or prove, once and for all, that many people will happily take football, or anything they feel passionately about for that matter, over an overly possessive partner. In the end, if football ends up being an intrusive fact of life that you're just going to have to accept, don't despair, it's usually only shown on Saturdays and Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays, and sometimes Tuesday, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Dom's brief yet comprehensive version of the VMA's

It's come to my attention that in the vast array of subjects that my blog covers, I've seriously neglected the music front. So, with the upcoming MTV video music awards, I thought I'd take a moment to share some of my all time favorite music videos with you all. In the spirit of keeping the entry manageable in length, I've come up with three categories that I deemed generally representative of good music videos, and named my top three in each sector.

Disclaimer: This list is probably too heavy in more recent videos (2004-today) and I can't say that I'm any kind of connoisseur, it's just a list of considered preferences that, hopefully, you all will find to be a moderately entertaining distraction-- I know I did.

BEST DANCE:

3. OK Go "A Million Ways"

I don't really have much to say about this-- I'm going to go ahead and stick to my contension that it sort of speaks for itself.

2. Michael Jackson "Bad"

Obviously Michael Jackson has to go somewhere in the best dance category, and most minds jump automatically to the (justifiably) omnipresent Thriller video. Though the clip is undeniably excellent, My vote goes to the criminally underrated video for "Bad". I tend to get bored in dance-heavy videos but the Scorsese directed "Bad" is so expertly put together that you literally can't look away from the screen. If you liked it, you should also check out the 16 minute full length Director's Cut-- Part I, Part II.

1. Britney Spears "Stronger"

I stuggled between this and the classic "Baby, One More Time", however, I decided that when push comes to shove, the chair dance always wins

BEST STORY:

3. T.I. ft. Rihanna "Live Your Life"

Backwards moving story line? Check. Corsets and burlesque Jazz clubs? Check plus. T.I. looking smooth? Check plus plus plus.

2. Taylor Swift "You Belong With Me"

Ok so I know that this choice is cliche but, I'm sorry-- I just don't care. No matter how many times I watch it (and that, I'm sad to say, is a lot of times) this video manages to leave me grinning like an idiot and sighing about my newly restored belief in true love. In three minutes, Taylor Swift succeeds where most full-length romantic comedies have failed.

1. Foo Fighters "Learn To Fly"

This is one of my long time favorites. Just watch it-- if you don't chuckle even a little, I'll send out a search party for your sense of humor.

BEST CONCEPT:

3. The All-American Rejects "Dirty Little Secret"

This particular band is awesome at matching the story of the video to their song in an unexpected way. Where you might expect to see a typical story of secret lust attached to "Dirty Little Secret", the All-American Rejects use the music video to put a unique spin on the song's title. If you liked this one, I also recommend "Move Along".

2. Jay Z "99 Problems"

This is gorgeous. Plain and simple. Just beautiful.

1. Incubus "Drive"

This is my long-standing favorite music video of all time. Fun fact-- Brandon Boyd (the lead singer), did all of the drawings and animation for the clip. Unreal, right?

*****

As I said before, I hope you found this a pleasant distraction. If you guys have any music videos that you think I'd like (or that should at least be called to my attention), leave a comment or send me a facebook message or tweet it to me or whatever. If I like your suggestions enough (or if I get enough suggestions, let's be honest here), I'll do a Reader's Video Music Hall of Fame post. Or something.