Steroids

OK, I am billed as a travel/sports dude, so I may as well put in my two cents about the most popular topic in professional sports today (namely baseball): steroids.

The word alone conjures up a grip of images: needles, muscle-men, and home runs, among other things. In the sports world, particularly that of baseball, this is one of the most inflammatory subjects out there, and for good reason.

Baseball has the longest history of any major sport in America, and, it could be said, the world. There have been leagues and teams operating continuously in the United States since the 1870s (Chicago White Stockings, aka The Cubs). That is over 130 seasons of baseball lore that has been cataloged and analyzed by baseball analysts to date. The records set in this timeframe, which have taken on mythic proportions among baseball buffs and novices alike, have been disproportionately obliterated since the late 90s and early 2000s, because of steroids.

Almost everyone, baseball fan or not, can recall the memorable home run race between Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire during the summer of 1998. They were both striving to beat Roger Maris' single season home run record that had stood since 1961, a record that was 37 years-old, practically elderly record by baseball standards. The fact alone that this record was so elusive made it memorable in so many minds, even in those reluctant to follow baseball. In 1961, Maris hit 61 home runs, breaking Babe Ruth's 1927 record by 1. Let me just say, Maris' season was a fluke, for he never hit more than 39 dingers in any other season.

Now, for some eye opening biznass. Between 1962 and 1997 only two people came within 10 homers of breaking this record: George Foster, 52, in 1977, and Willie Mays, also 52, in 1965. Maris' record ended up being broken in 1998 by both Mark McGwire Sammy Sosa and, with 70 and 66 dongs respectively. Now, remember that between 1961 and 1997, only two players hit at least 52 home runs. But, from 1997 and 2006, in nine short years, nine players hit at least 52 home runs. For all of you non-math-majors out there, this is not proportionate.

I used to say, well, all baseball players are on 'roids, so fuck it, they don't need an asterisk next to their records. But this is a bunch of BS. Think about all the players in the past who didn't have the help of steroids. The people who did hard work and spent long hours in the hitting cage to get their 52 or 48 home runs in a year. Then think about all the players who did less work, shot up, and got more home runs. It just ain't fair, and they don't deserve the records they supposedly worked so hard for.

And these juicers didn't just set HR records, they dominate the books in the last 10 years. The shady thing is that we really have no proof of who did what steroid (save a few cases). But the numbers don't lie. People did not all of a sudden get really good at baseball. They took steroids. I can only see one way to even things out.

It's a simple equation. All those we have strong evidence for of having done roids, we give them a number. We calculate an average of their statistics (HR, hits, runs batted in, average, etc.) for all the years that they played when they weren't suspected of doing steroids. We can exclude their first two years and their last two years, since these are typically a player's most unprudctive. Then we replace all their steroid years with this average number. I know it's not perfect. At the same time, many of the juicers were still great players. We all know that Barry Bonds was one of the greatest players of all time, regardless of his steroid use. Somehow, it just doesn't seem fair to strike his name off the list altogether, especially if the things he did were not definitvely illegal. To all of you who don't like baseball or sports and got to the end of this article, I'm sorry it was so long, but I'm drunk and awake. fuck roids woopwoop