In case you were wondering...

According to a study presented this week at the American Chemical Society's annual meeting, over 90% of the American cash paper money supply is contaminated with cocaine. To this I say,

Dear America,

Stop having so much fun. You'll get nosebleed filth all over our great country. Dolla dolla bill, y'all.

Sincerely,

Dom.

If you're curious (which I know you are), read more here.

Quick Note: Thanks

As you guys know, I plugged Lauren Chlebowski's Ollie Sang line a few days ago. I was checking their website today because my mom got me a peacoat of theirs for my birthday (which, incidentally, is tomorrow. Pay attention to me...). Once there, I came across a link to their Facebook page and I decided to check it out. Lo and behold, they had put up a link to my humble little blog.

Long story short, this is just a quick note from me and my writers to thank Ollie Sang for giving us props. If you, my lovely readers, liked the clothes, go ahead and become a fan on Facebook and tell your friends. If anything it'll help maintain a karmic balance in these matters.

Dom.

Words to live by...

"I think it's interesting that the word 'cologne' rhymes with the world 'alone'"

-Demetri Martin

Tell me this doesn't creep you out

CNN Health has posted an article about a Los Angeles sperm bank that catagorizes its donors by celebrity resemblance. No joke.

The lab is called California Cryobank and its Donor Look-a-Likes program allows future mommies to search their database based on the celebrity whom they'd like their chosen donor to resemble. Want your baby to look like Robert Downey Jr.? Here ya go. Search for David Beckham and you get the following donor profile:

"Heads turn when this green-eyed, blonde-haired, 6' tall dreamboat jogs by or swings a tennis racket. He complements his wide-ranging artistic talents, natural math skills, and athletic abilities with an outgoing personality and a good sense of humor. His life plans embrace world travel, a big family, and a talent-based career which will never feel like work. He's a natural leader with deep respect for foreign cultures."

You can even request that your donor look like Bill Gates. So that even though your baby won't necessarily be rich-- he or she will sure look rich? God, that is just weird. I don't know about you, but to me it sounds an awful lot like genetically engineering your children. Creepy, right?

Afghanistan

Some of your may know that recently Afghanistan held its second presidential election since the US-led invasion and subsequent fall of Taliban rule in 2001. The first election took place in 2004 and was won by Hamid Karzai, who now is on the brink of winning a very closely contested second term. When the situation in Afghanistan is examined, however, one has ask oneself, "Is he the right man for the job?" The overwhelming and obvious answer to this question is Fuck No. Let's examine our man Karzai.

The dubious nature of his current politicking can clearly be seen in his experience and history. His political experience is severely lacking. He used to be a supporter of the Taliban as late as 1998. The Taliban asked him to be their ambassador to the UN, but he said, "No thanks." This would have been his first foray into politics, but instead he was exiled to Pakistan. He swore revenge on the Taliban, and soon after, became a dear friend to the US (surprise surprise). Due to this vow of revenge, the US, looking for anyone to latch onto, appointed him as chairman of the Afghan Transitional Government, where he didn't do much.

In 2004, he won the first real election in Afghanistan in a long, long time (prior to 2004, I don't know if there was an legit election here. The Soviets put in their own pawn, and before that it was just a cycle of assassination-coup-repeat). Ok, so now he has some experience under his belt, but what has he done for the country?

Is it safer? No. Karzai can't even venture anywhere without a serious detachment of army to escort him. Afghan schoolgirls can't go to school without getting acid thrown in their faces. Unfortunately, every day is a matter of life and death for many Afghans. In Kabul, there are rocket attacks and other bombs going off on the regular. In the more rural areas, the Taliban still control everything. Yes, the guys riding around in pickup trucks with large turbans and AKs, not the friendliest of folks.

A man like Hamid Karzai can not lead such an abject country out of the darkness. Among his allies are tortuous warlords. In this election, Karzai's running mate is Mohammed Qasim Fahim. Needless to say, Karzai is courting many people known for serious criminal enterprises and mass murder. His own freakin' brother is the worst kind of asshole. The chair of a pronvincial council in the countries' second biggest city, Kandahar, Ahmed Wali Karzai is enormously powerful in Afghanistan. His power and immense wealth came from drug dealing, and he runs Southern Afghanistan like The Godfather. This has enabled him to make numerous dealings with the Taliban to ensure his brother, our beloved Hamid, wins the election. How about makin a freakin deal to stop killin people up all the time? Needless to say, Hamid's crookedness is rooted deep in his blood, and is visible all the way up to his slanted karakul.

And where has all the money gone? Billions of dollars of international aid are being squandered and pocketed by Karzai and his cronies. Meanwhile, the country is still in shambles. The poppy trade is still flourishing (poppies = heroin + opium). The Taliban is still killing and intimidating. And our tax dollars are goin' down the shitter.

The answer to these problems is not an easy one to find, and they will surely not be solved by a presidential election, especially one riddled with allegations of fraud and double-dealing. But I will tell you one thing, the reelection of Hamid Karzai will certainly not help the situation. He has shown is lack of governing skillz and he is corrupted to the worst possible degree. A new face is needed in Afghanistan if there is to be peace anytime soon. For the sake of Afghans, I hope that the election can be a starting point.

Flowery goodness

After having found one of her skirts in a Baltimore consignment store, I've become obsessed with Colorado designer Lauren Chlebowski's contemporary women's wear line, Ollie Sang. The website to which I've linked doesn't really do the clothes that I have seen justice, but you can get a nice taste from the posted coats & jackets collection. Also, if you go to the storefront, there's a really great sale happening.

It's all so visually delicious that it actually makes my eyes water.

If you're like me and thus prone to spending money you don't have on shit you don't need, explore this further. Go here to find a store near you that might carry the line and see for yourself.

iPhone users... beware.

Remember Snood? Remember spending hours and hours playing it in the middle school computer lab until the school finally had to ban it? Well, Snood is now available as an iPhone application. If you (like me) are ready to spend the four bucks it costs, then you're ready to waste an awful lot of time as well.

Read more here.

Summer Tomatoes

I doubt that anyone will argue with me when I make the blanket statement that tomatoes are better now than any other time of year. They're flavorful, meaty, and come in a rainbow of beautiful colors. And they're cheap, to boot. You don't have to go to Whole Foods and pay $4/lb for heirloom tomatoes. You can just nip down to your local farmer's market and pick up gorgeous local tomatoes for surprisingly reasonable prices. Way to be sustainable, folks.

Anyway, With this in mind, you'll understand when I say that I don't like to mess with them too much. I always get this weird Catholic guilt thing when I do... like I'm somehow compromising the integrity of the tomatoes' natural flavor. So today, I've put together a little menu of my favorite summer dishes that really let the tomatoes shine. That, and they're all really simple to make.

*****

Appetizer: Bruschetta & Crostini

A little tedious/ time-consuming to make but easy nonetheless and always a crowd pleaser.

ingredients for the bruschetta

3 Large ripe tomatoes (Different colors adds a nice visual element)

1/4 c packed basil leaves

1-2 cloves of garlic

2-4 tbs high quality olive oil

sea salt or kosher salt & fresh ground pepper to taste.

1. Cut the tomatoes across their equator and remove the juice and seeds so that only the flesh remains. Tomatoes are fairly meaty this time of year so seeding is easier that it is usually, but this depends also on the variety you're using. Remove the cores.
2. Chop the tomatoes into 1/4 inch pieces and put them in a large mixing bowl. When you're finished, drain the excess juices (I find that a mesh sieve works well here).
3. Either mince the garlic or put it through a garlic press. Add it to your chopped tomato bowl. Ad salt, pepper, and olive oil (Tip: You're going to need a lot of salt to counteract the sweetness of the tomato). Stir together and adjust seasonings as necessary
4. Finally, finely chop the basil leaves and add them to your tomato mixture. (Tip: I have a pretty good technique for chopping broad leafed herbs like basil or mint. I stack the leaves one on top of the other, making sure that the largest leaf is on the bottom. When the pile is complete, I roll it up like a cigar and thinly slice the roll.)

ingredients for the crostini

French or sourdough artisan bread (baguette)

Olive oil

1 clove of garlic, cut lengthwise

1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.
2. Slice your baguette at a 45 degree angle.
3. Lay the bread flat on a cookie sheet and brush the top with olive oil. Place them in the oven and bake until golden-brown. Depending on the bread you're using and the thickness of the slice, this will take anywhere from 3-10 minutes.
4. When the crostini are out of the oven, rub the top of each cracker with the garlic clove that you've cut in half. Serve with bruschetta (Note: Don't pre-load your crostini with the bruschetta. It's a nice thought, but the only thing that ends up happening is that your crackers get really soggy.)

*****

Soup: Gazpacho

Cold soups are one of the most underrated dishes in the world, and I can't, for the life of me, understand why. There are very few things more refreshing on a disgusting, sticky August day. I've been making a ton of it this summer, but I'm not quite sure of the proportions I've been using, so I sort of made the recipe up. You should feel free, then to experiment with different mixtures and see what comes out.

ingredients

2-3 medium tomatoes

1-2 bell pepper

1-3 medium cucumbers

1/2-1 large red onion

Smoked Chipotle Tabasco sauce, salt, pepper to taste.

1. Core your tomatoes. Roughly chop your veggies and throw them in either a blender or a food processor. Process them until they are the texture of a fruit smoothie.
2. Adjust vegetable proportions and seasonings to taste.
3. Chill for at least 4 hours, and serve as cold as possible.

For those of you who like a more precise recipe, I tried this Chilled Golden Tomato Bisque out last night-- it was awesome. It's a fairly forgiving recipe too. For example, I swapped the cream for milk, and then threw in some lemon and basil in the mix and it turned out just lovely.

*****

Salad: Tomato Stack

The tomato stack is, in its essentials, a Caprese Salad. I feel like this is just a fun twist on an excellent classic

ingredients

Tomatoes that are roughly equal in size (again, I like to use different colors, but that's not to say that a beautiful red tomato stack is any less appetizing)

Fresh mozzerella cheese (Log should be about the same diameter as your tomatoes)

Basil leaves

High quality balsamic vinegar & olive oil

Salt & pepper to taste

1. Core your tomatoes. Carefully cut them into slices of even thickness. Discard the end pieces.
2. Lay the tomatoes flat and salt and pepper each slice.
3. While the flavor from the seasoning is soaking into the tomatoes, cut the mozzerella so that each slice is about as half as thick as a tomato slice.
4. Create the stacks by piling alternating slices of tomato and mozzerella. I usually keep my stacks between 4 and 6 slices of tomato, and between 3 and 5 slices of cheese.
5. Drizzle each stack with the balsamic and olive oil, keeping the proportion about 2/3 vinegar and 1/3 oil. Garnish with basil (Note: I like to shred my basil like I explained in the bruschetta recipe. It's really pretty on the salad)

A nice variation on this is to add a little basil pesto sauce instead of fresh basil leaves. This covers the olive oil too. Delicious.

*****

Main Course: Warm Pasta Salad with Tomato and Feta Cheese

This is one of my all time favorites, and it's a summer staple in my household. My mom might crucify me for sharing the secret with you all, but really it's too good to keep under wraps.

ingredients

1 lb fusilli or penne pasta

1.5 c feta cheese (cut into 1/2 inch cubes)

3/4-1 c chopped basil leaves

2.5 c diced tomatoes

2-3 cloves of garlic

1/4 c olive oil

Salt and pepper to taste

1. Put the olive oil, garlic, basil, and feta in the bottom of a large pasta bowl. Mix them together and set them aside.
2. Begin to boil your pasta water. Don't forget to generously salt the water and throw in about 2 tbs of vegetable oil so the noodles don't stick together.
3. As you're waiting for your water to boil, begin dicing your tomatoes. When the water is boiling, put the fusilli in to cook, and then put your diced tomatoes in the pasta bowl with the basil-feta mixture.
4. When the pasta is al dente, strain it, dump it into the bowl with the tomatoes and feta and mix together. Salt and pepper to taste. Enjoy. No, really. Seriously. Enjoy.

VAMPIRES

Dom is being studious... therefore I've restored to filling her blog with vampire news. Yes, ladies and gents, vampire news*. If anything this will keep you busy for at least ten minutes while you are sitting and pretending to do something "significant" with your life. If vampire news isn't significant, I don't know what is... So here it goes-

1. TRUE BLOOD NEWS- The hot on-screen duo of Sookie Stockhouse (Anna Paquin) and Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) are ENGAGED. In real life that is...

This is an excuse to serve up a little montage**

You're welcome.

2. THE TWILIGHT SAGA CONTINUES- The next movie in the Twilight series, "New Moon" is due in November of 2009.

Watch the trailer here

3. REAL VAMPIRE NEWS- Yes, I said it. A real fucking vampire. If you haven't already watched it, please indulge in the documentary about Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey, a self-proclaimed vampire who attempted to run for governor. This shit is priceless.

* Don't hate. We all know that on some level you like vampires. Whether or not you are willing to admit it is totally up to you.

** I firmly believe that montages make everything better. That is all.

Quick Note: I do apologize

For not having posted something deep and interesting today, however, I spent the day constructing a 22' tall ostrich, a 4' diameter mama puffer fish with her 5 2' diameter babies, a cow 4' 8" from nose to end of body, and a ring of 28 20" diameter moons out of helium balloons. I am dead serious. An ostrich. 22 feet tall.

I hope you understand and I'll see if I can get some pictures.

To come tomorrow, an introduction for my sports/travel nut, Dito. I have a paper to finish so I might be mia for a little but I'll do my best.

dmd.

Steroids

OK, I am billed as a travel/sports dude, so I may as well put in my two cents about the most popular topic in professional sports today (namely baseball): steroids.

The word alone conjures up a grip of images: needles, muscle-men, and home runs, among other things. In the sports world, particularly that of baseball, this is one of the most inflammatory subjects out there, and for good reason.

Baseball has the longest history of any major sport in America, and, it could be said, the world. There have been leagues and teams operating continuously in the United States since the 1870s (Chicago White Stockings, aka The Cubs). That is over 130 seasons of baseball lore that has been cataloged and analyzed by baseball analysts to date. The records set in this timeframe, which have taken on mythic proportions among baseball buffs and novices alike, have been disproportionately obliterated since the late 90s and early 2000s, because of steroids.

Almost everyone, baseball fan or not, can recall the memorable home run race between Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire during the summer of 1998. They were both striving to beat Roger Maris' single season home run record that had stood since 1961, a record that was 37 years-old, practically elderly record by baseball standards. The fact alone that this record was so elusive made it memorable in so many minds, even in those reluctant to follow baseball. In 1961, Maris hit 61 home runs, breaking Babe Ruth's 1927 record by 1. Let me just say, Maris' season was a fluke, for he never hit more than 39 dingers in any other season.

Now, for some eye opening biznass. Between 1962 and 1997 only two people came within 10 homers of breaking this record: George Foster, 52, in 1977, and Willie Mays, also 52, in 1965. Maris' record ended up being broken in 1998 by both Mark McGwire Sammy Sosa and, with 70 and 66 dongs respectively. Now, remember that between 1961 and 1997, only two players hit at least 52 home runs. But, from 1997 and 2006, in nine short years, nine players hit at least 52 home runs. For all of you non-math-majors out there, this is not proportionate.

I used to say, well, all baseball players are on 'roids, so fuck it, they don't need an asterisk next to their records. But this is a bunch of BS. Think about all the players in the past who didn't have the help of steroids. The people who did hard work and spent long hours in the hitting cage to get their 52 or 48 home runs in a year. Then think about all the players who did less work, shot up, and got more home runs. It just ain't fair, and they don't deserve the records they supposedly worked so hard for.

And these juicers didn't just set HR records, they dominate the books in the last 10 years. The shady thing is that we really have no proof of who did what steroid (save a few cases). But the numbers don't lie. People did not all of a sudden get really good at baseball. They took steroids. I can only see one way to even things out.

It's a simple equation. All those we have strong evidence for of having done roids, we give them a number. We calculate an average of their statistics (HR, hits, runs batted in, average, etc.) for all the years that they played when they weren't suspected of doing steroids. We can exclude their first two years and their last two years, since these are typically a player's most unprudctive. Then we replace all their steroid years with this average number. I know it's not perfect. At the same time, many of the juicers were still great players. We all know that Barry Bonds was one of the greatest players of all time, regardless of his steroid use. Somehow, it just doesn't seem fair to strike his name off the list altogether, especially if the things he did were not definitvely illegal. To all of you who don't like baseball or sports and got to the end of this article, I'm sorry it was so long, but I'm drunk and awake. fuck roids woopwoop

Quick Note: Hock & Spencer

So, as you have likely noticed, I have a few more introductions to make today.

The first is Hock, my lovely performing arts & motion picture critic, who has graciously consented to make periodic posts in this blog despite the fact that she is busy honing her own acting skills out in California. She has a comprehensive academic understanding of critical film analysis, plus her taste in movies is pretty much flawless, if a little heavy in Woody Allen flicks. She'll update you on movies and actors new and old, plus she might throw in some stuff from the theater or television. This being said, I should note that her taste in television is as bad as her taste in movies is good. This means that you risk hearing more about the Real Housewives of New Jersey than is necessary and/or appropriate*.

The second is Spencer (Post name Perez Motel6--don't ask me why). Spencer took a gap year between high school and college and lived abroad for a year in Belize. The experience taught him Spanish but, more importantly, it whetted his interest in world affairs. The issues with which he tends to concern himself range from human rights, to environmental decline, to other hippie shit that I don't even know about. He was a Political Science major in college and spends his spare time hanging out with his Great Dane-Labrador giant of a dog, making bets that he can't possibly win, and Skyping his mom.

Spencer has kindly agreed to join Miz Weenie as 50% of tweedle's political team. I couldn't have asked for a better set of political consultants. Weenie deems Spencer's viewpoint idealistic and harebrained, whereas he says her politics and money-grubbing and Zionistic. My hope is that between their viewpoints, my readers can gather enough information from both sides of an issue to appropriately develop their own thoughts on political matters. As I said in Weenie's introduction, I don't necessarily agree with Spencer or Weenie's opinions, but I feel that because I've never had the kind of political "bug" that they do, they are far more qualified than I am to talk about the political scene**. So again, you don't have to agree with Spencer, but take a second and listen to what he has to say. If nothing else, he keeps it interesting.

* In case you wanted to know, I have deemed the appropriate and/or necessary amount of knowledge of the Real Housewives of New Jersey to be zero.

** Plus, I want to maintain neutrality in such matters. There's nothing worse than a debate moderator who is unable to dismiss his or her personal biases.

Horrible Parents make Horrible People

You know what... Life is really fucked up... Filled with fun and games but also birth and death... Two things that can really bring you and the rest of the world down. Although birth is usually a little more uplifting then death, lots of births are tarnished by the knowledge that the parents of this small human are too fucked up to take care of themselves, much less take care of a baby.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It takes patience, practice, calculated decisions, and a fuck load of time. Children are incredibly needy and annoying and it takes a superstar to be able to put up with them day in and day out without resorting to some-sort of physical or verbal abuse. Most people just cant take it. And so they either just bounce, or they start freaking out and abusing the kid in some manner. Hence why so many people spend so much time and money sitting in a chair talking to a stranger about their problems. It sucks.

So many people are cheated out of the proper childhood and thus the rest of their lives are marred by the various horrible experiences that happened when they were young and their parents were blowing crack hits in their face.

My plan to save us all the trouble of dealing with these crazy neglected humans is to try to cut down on them. And no, I'm not proposing genocide. What I'm proposing is that people be required to obtain a license before they give birth. They should have to be able to prove that they are stable enough to have a kid and take care of it without being neglectful.-- that they are stable enough to not verbally or physically abuse the child if it's crying. Basically, just a little short test to determine them capable of having baby. I'm not saying it should be the fucking LSATS. Just a small examination so that we cut down on the number of single mothers or babies that come from fucked up broken situations, because that never turns out well for the kids or, frankly, society.

This may sound crazy to you, but China requires you to have a license to give birth. And you're only allowed one baby per couple. Now, I'm a little ashamed to say that we should look to the Chinese for advice. Maybe that's proof right there that this idea is fucked. But I dont think so. I think what's fucked is people who's entire lives are stolen from them because they are obsessed with something horrible that happened to them when they were children. Crack heads, meth heads, and Mormons should not be having children, end of story.

Come on Barack Obeeazy, lets see what you got.

John Wayne au lait, s'il vous plait

I know I'm supposed to be the "Film Guru" but this was just too good to be true:

Once upon a time in a small town, in an undisclosed location, a certain French-Canadian (who shall remain nameless), jeopardized American freedom as we know it. Let's just say it wasn't pretty. From this point on, I, a proud and true American dedicated to the ways of freedom, was convinced that all French people, Canadian or otherwise, were in one way or another attempting to dismantle American freedom. Today, ladies and gentlemen, I was proved wrong.

Here is the article I came across after googling John Wayne. Yes, I was googling John Wayne. No, I'm not going to tell you why.

Please read.

- Hock.

Film things to follow... eventually... when I muster up the funds to go see some good stuff.

In case you were wondering...

Today was a raisin filled day. I had Raisin-Bran Crunch for breakfast. At lunchtime, I enjoyed a few Sun-Maid goldens. Shortly thereafter I snacked on some chocolate and yogurt covered raisins. Later still, I was offered some regular old, run of the mill raisins. Weird, I know, but do me a favor and stay with me for a second.

Amidst this onslaught of raisins, two facts came to my attention: 1) regular raisins are made from green grapes* and, 2) golden raisins are approximately 562% better than regular raisins**. As per usual, I set out to explore this knowledge.

Now, I may have been extremely naïve or uninformed, but before today, I'd always been under the impression that regular raisins were made from purple grapes, and golden raisins from green ones. This, of course, is far too simple and logical an explanation.

As it turns out, both traditional raisins and golden ones are made using the same variety of green grape, the Sultana. The difference of the dried fruit's color the lies within the method of dehydration. Traditional raisins are sun-dried, and thus owe their darkened color to sun exposure. Golden raisins are treated somewhat differently. In order to preserve the light color, the grapes are oven dried, and then treated with sulfur dioxide. This also makes for a meatier raisin***. Or so they say.

Other things I learned in my quest to know more about raisins:

• Zante currants are not made from currants but rather from black Corinth grapes. I want to know why they don't just call them Zante raisins. Stupid, is what it is.
• Grapes and raisins can be toxic to canines. I found this particularly upsetting because I often share grapes with my dog****.
• Between the 16th and 19th century, there existed a game called Snap-Dragon, in which raisins were extracted from a punch-bowl of flaming brandy. It's unclear what they did with the brandy once the raisins were removed, but it can't have been particularly responsible.
• The Sun-Maid girl does yoga.

* I discovered this on the back of the big bag of Raisenets.

** I estimated this by applying my deep knowledge and keen understanding of correct choices and percentages.

*** This makes sense. If you leave a person out in the sun for a while, he/she makes the same transition as a grape does to raisin; turns brown and dry and wrinkly. Furthermore, the apparent reason for which golden raisins are so exponentially superior to the traditional variety is that golden ones are treated with chemicals. Like McDonald's. And outdoor music festivals.

**** I'm not that worried about it, though. He once at 1 kg (2.2 lbs) of Swiss baking and semi-sweet chocolate, which is many times the lethal dose for a dog his size. Armed with this evidence, I'm fairly certain he's indestructible by any means of gastrointestinal sabotage.

Likes & Dislikes

I have a few themed posts around (In case you were wondering..., Words to live by), but I thought of a new thread that I've dubbed Likes & Dislikes. I'm going to give you all the benefit of the doubt and explain it no further than that.

Things I Like:

• Celebrities that have real dogs*
• Futurology
• Christian evangelist scandals
• Ben & Jerry's ice cream**

Things I Dislike:

• Anything with more than four legs***
• Scandinavian words with too many letters and too many consonants in close proximity to each other. (example: begravningsentreprenör = mortician, uppehållstillstånd = housing permit)
• Skin cancer
• Mercedes-Benz

* By real dog, I mean any dog that is not puntable. Sarah Michelle Gellar's Akita weighs in at about 100 lbs and is, all in all, a baller (see photo). Ashley Tisdale's Maltese weighs in at less than 7 pounds and I could probably kill it by staring at it too hard. I understand that they're cute and good companions and practical but I'm sorry, if I can dropkick it, it's not real.

** All flavors except Chunky Monkey. The fact that Ben & Jerry's would soil the most delicious of all delicious treats with something so filthy and disgusting as a banana is a hideous scar on an otherwise unblemished record of deliciousness.

*** This does not apply to sea-dwelling crustaceans (shrimp, lobster, crab) that are dead and prepared and in or about to be in my mouth.

Shark Week

I held off on this post because I thought maybe Abbie might mention it, but if I wait any longer, I'm pretty sure that I'll risk spontaneous combustion. Why? Because the Discovery Channel's 20th annual Shark Week began tonight at 9 p.m. EST with this:

Shut up.

I have goosebumps.

And since you were clearly about to ask, the Shark Week website is, well, fantastic.

Obviously.

So go.

Gogogogogogogogo.

How to fix Facebook

My favorite online publication, Slate Magazine, has posted an article that suggests four ways that Facebook could be improved. As usual, they're so right that it hurts.

Read up here.

Wanna see a baby with two heads?

Click here.

If that doesn't freak you out, here's a slideshow of some really weird shit.