Bummer for British Bankers*

Today, England's financial regulatory body, the FSA** decreed that banking bonuses had to be cut by 60%. That's right, you heard correctly, that's all banking bonuses.
But what about existing employee contracts, ask the big banks. This law is in direct violation of what  we promised our head honchos in writing this year.
Tough cookies, says the British government.
Tough cookies.

Now, I understand that the economic downturn is a global issue, but I don't think that many people would argue with me when I say that the United States is having a particularly hard time of it. Our society is decidedly capitalistic and, as such, our economy is more susceptible to greed***. And that's really why we're more fucked than, say, England. That said, why isn't the Fed implementing this type of policyfor American banks? All I'm saying is that the average US taxpayer probably needs that money more than some Merrill Lynch investment banktard. Am I right? Probably not. Would it work here? Definately not. But then again, I'm just saying.

As usual, your thoughts are welcome. Read more about the British bank smackdown here.


*Do you like my alliteration? Cause ya should. 

**Financial Services Authority

*** Now, don't get me wrong here, I think capitalism is a fantastic system. Fantastic. In terms of productivity, there's nothing better in the world than the United States and our meritocracy. That said, it has its pitfalls. Like greedy bitches taking all our money. 

Jury Duty Already Sucks

Nobody likes jury duty. It is really the mandatory sentencing of the public to take time out of their lives to listen -- rather carefully -- to other people's problems. The one thing you have going for you is the ability to convince the lawyers that you would be the worst possible juror imaginable for the case at hand. This is difficult for some honest people, as it may often require you to fabricate huge parts of your past life, your beliefs, or your present being. A very normal person could leave a jury selection process as a xenophobic nihilist who believes that leprechauns will one day rule the earth. At least their time wouldn't be consumed by a potentially long and drawn out court case.

I wouldn't, however, recommend making such insane claims. It's probably better to slow play it, leading the lawyers to believe that any relevant preconceptions or character defining beliefs you "have" are subtle, but apparent enough to ruin your objectivity in the case. The stakes here are pretty high -- check this out.



In England today, a court was subjected to a 10-minute audio recording of this British couple making whoopie, bumping uglies, getting it on, whatever you want to call it. Though dealing with sex, this recording was far from sexy, apparently sounding like both people involved were in 'considerable pain.' The plaintiff described the noises as 'murder' and 'unnatural, though only recorded at a maximum of 47 decibels, which is almost 15 decibels quieter than the average conversation. Whether it was the disturbing nature of the tape or other circumstances, shortly after it was played, the hearing was adjourned until Tuesday.

I'm not exactly sure what to say to this, most further thoughts on the subject are replaced by "gross gross gross, ewwww" accompanied by a gross mental image of the unflattering picture above. I'm not really sure if this is the kind of trial that would warrant a jury, but if it is, I wouldn't be surprised to see some mental anguish suits brought up against the plaintiff in retaliation for the punishment she put this court through.