What Is Iran Up To?

Last week, the news was promising. Iran seemed prepared to agree to a multinational deal which would result in the bulk shipment of almost three-quarters of its known uranium supply, about 2,600 pounds, to Russia, then France for processing. According to the draft, the reserves would be irreversibly converted into a non-weapons grade form that could only be used to power Iran's civilian nuclear reactor -- which the country insists is the sole reason for its continued pursuit of nuclear capabilities. After the revealing of a secret nuclear enrichment facility in the city of Qum in late September and the subsequent allowing of International Atomic Energy Agency inspectors to enter it, such continued cooperation was met with optimism.

The implications of reaching such a negotiation are vast, especially considering the level of diplomatic deadlock that has existed here in the past. Though such an agreement wouldn't necessarily provide any permanent solutions, experts say that it would set Iran at least a year back in any potential moves to produce nuclear weapons. This would serve as valuable time for the United States and its allies to return to the drawing board in pursuit of a more substantial diplomatic course of action. Furthermore, it would allow Iran to continue using nuclear fuel for energy and medical purposes while ensuring that it isn’t being enriched to develop weapons.

A day after the draft was reviewed, however, hope threatened to fade. The Deputy Speaker of Iran's Parliament remarked that such a plan of action was "not acceptable," though an official response from either President Ahmadinejad or Ayatollah Khamenei -- the final decision makers -- was still forthcoming. As the Friday deadline to respond to proposal passed, analysts wondered if the initial positive reaction to the deal was genuine, or perhaps just an attempt to stall.

On Tuesday, Alaeddin Boroujerdi, the head of the Parliament’s national security and foreign policy committee, broke the silence. He announced that though the country plans to accept the UN nuclear agreement, it would only do so if some rather drastic changes were made. Primarily, Iran would prefer giving their uranium up incrementally rather than all at once, a measure that would stunt the primary goal of removing enough of the nation’s stock to prevent the development of a nuclear weapon. Many of the proposed amendments to the original deal have not yet been released, but Iran’s ministers have made it clear that they would ideally prefer the existing method of getting uranium -- by buying it already enriched from other countries, or instead enriching it at home under the supervision of the IAEA inspectors-- to this new plan.

Today, the news from Iran is again somewhat encouraging, though the UN still awaits an official response. Ahmadinejad spoke favorably about the proposal, announcing “We welcome cooperation on nuclear fuel, power plants and technology, and we are ready to cooperate.”

Though this positive response is a step in the right direction, it would be foolish to think that such ostensible support for the agreement will necessarily equate to Iran’s full cooperation in its passage. In the end, we must look at Iran as a country that is just as suspicious of the West’s intentions as we are of its own. While the West continually fears that Iran’s nuclear ambitions include the development of a nuclear weapon, Iran believes that it has an “inalienable right” to nuclear development -- which it insists is a peaceful pursuit.

Giving in to Western pressure on this matter is certainly a contentious issue within Iran. Opposition leader Mir-Hussein Moussavi spoke today, illustrating the difficult nature of the proposed measures. “If they are put in place, all the efforts of thousands of scientists will go to the wind…If they are not put in place, the foundations will be laid for wide-ranging sanctions against Iran, and this is the result of a confrontational stance in foreign policy and the neglect of national interests and principles.”

In the end, it is incredibly difficult to determine if Iran is trying only to maintain its power of self-determination over its own nuclear program, or if it is instead attempting to pull the wool over the West’s eyes in a dangerous and devious move toward eventual nuclear ascendency. Since the onset of these talks, some reports have arisen that may generate additional support for the latter.

A recent article in Newsweek, written with the help of U.K.-based Plough Shares, concludes that Iran must be hiding numerous other nuclear enrichment facilities throughout the country. If this were the case, Iran could potentially produce a nuclear weapon much faster than analysts originally believed. Furthermore, it could signify that Iranian cooperation, especially in a minimized form, could amount to an action that does just enough to duck sanctions and avoid further scrutiny from the West. Whatever the scenario is, the clock is ticking. Both sides have sat down at the table -- something needs to get done before the food gets cold.

Update: Iran has rejected the main part of the deal -- shipping the uranium abroad. Sanctions on the way, or back to the drawing board?

Oh it's so cute, where can I get one?

So I just came across this video:

That's right. The year is 1996 and thirteen-year-old, skinny, awkward little Seth Rogen is killing it at some comedy club in Vancouver. He's so precious I just want to shrink him down and put him in a jar and pull it out whenever skies are gray. Enjoy.

Quick Note: Dom Fails

I had all kinds of plans for a nice post tonight however my internet is so slow that its bringing me back to the days of dial up. So I can't do any research. I can't find a picture. I can't look up a funny video for you guys to enjoy. Sorry. I'll try again in the morning.

Happy Birthday Patriot Act

Today marks the 8th birthday of the the USA PATRIOT Act, signed into law by George W. Bush on this day in 2001. Those were different times, the nation was still reeling from the September 11th attacks and the measure was passed easily through Congress. The words for which the act was named -- "Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism" -- and the vaguely stated purpose -- "to deter and punish American terrorists in the United States and around the world, to enhance law enforcement investigatory tools, and for other purposes" -- made people feel safe and secure, not, as many feel now, skeptical of exactly what the Patriot Act is being used for.

To make a long story short, in singing happy birthday to the Patriot Act today, we also sing happy birthday to its offspring/hellspawn: the widespread breech of American privacy, blanket requests of personal information, warrantless surveillance, sneak-and-peek warrants and the general erosion of many constitutional rights, just to name a few. So, happy birthday to you, Patriot Act, here's to many more, I'm sure.

Tracy Morgan gives a hell of an interview

The decidedly unpredictable but nevertheless hilarious Tracy Morgan gave a great interview today on NPR's Fresh Air with Terry Gross. Clocking in at about 4o minutes, it's definitely on the longer side, but if your cleaning, cooking, or bored at work, throw it on your speakers or headphones instead of music and have a listen while you get other stuff done. It's funny and heartwarming and totally worth it.

Here's NPR's stream of the interview. Enjoy.

HIV Vaccines Successful?

Headway is being made on an HIV vaccine, a medical trial carried out in Thailand supposedly indicates. According to a BBC report, 16,000 heterosexuals between the ages of 18-30 were inoculated with a combination of vaccines. Over a 3-year period, out of 8,000 people who were inoculated, 51 contracted the HIV virus. Out of the other 8,000 who were given a placebo, 74 got HIV. The sponsors of this trial, as well as the Thai government, determined that these numbers correlated to a 31.2% protection rate for the vaccine. Others disagree, however, stating that when you analyze the numbers in a variety of different ways, the statistical significance is largely diminished.

The study seems like a strange one, whatever the actual significance. Telling a group of 16,000 people that they are being vaccinated for HIV and then letting them run amuck seems like a subliminal endorsement of unsafe sex, the giving of a false sense of security in an insecure sexual world. Maybe this was the point, however grim the method -- to encourage the maximum occurrence of incidents to contract HIV within the test study. The study’s numbers would certainly be more telling if this was the case, but one has to wonder the impact, especially outside the trial group, of such an experiment.

Now matter how you look at it -- whether the eventual implication of this test ends up being monumental or irrelevant -- Thailand’s HIV-positive population has now increased by at least 125, and almost certainly more, depending on how far the test subjects spread the virus. The protection against HIV and AIDS would ultimately be better served through rigorous safe-sex education. If the study were reproduced in a manner where all 16,000 people had sex only using condoms, I’d guess that the overall HIV contraction rate would have been much lower than that in the actual study.

Words to live by...

"I went through a preppy phase, with boat shoes and stripes. It was not cute. I went through a phase with lots of sweatshirts and baggy pants. Then I went really gay with sequins and mesh. And then I went to art school. That's when I got fabulous."

- Christian Siriano

Size matters

According to this article in today's Slate, incumbent candidate Joe Corzine [D] in New Jersey's gubernatorial race has turned voters against his competitor Chris Christie* by focusing their attention on the Republican candidate's weight problem.

This might be controversial and I might soon regret posting this but here goes. The article got me to thinking about body weight discrimination and whether or not we can put it in the same class as racism or homophobia. It's a valid question. There's pretty good evidence to suggest that sizeism is just as if not more prevalent than racial profiling. Overall, fat people earn less money, are less likely to stay in school, get married, or receive preventative screenings for cancers largely unrelated to excess weight. Furthermore, there's a compelling argument from those who claim that the mental stress of being fat exacerbates other health problems associated with obesity.

My conclusion? Whatever fat-activists say, I still won't lump weight discrimination with other stigmas. Despite the validity of a lot of the arguments, look at the other side. It's not like racial or religious discrimination or homophobia. In my mind, these prejudces have no legitimate basis in reality. Skin color or sexuality in and of themselves have no impact on a person's ability in any line of work. For example, if you have two accountants who are equivalent in every way excepting that one is gay and the other straight, the gay accountant's sexual preference will in no way affect his ability to file a tax report. Not so with obesity.

Imagine you're an employer with two equally qualified job candidates, one obese (BMI** of 26 or above) and the other with a normal height/weight ratio (BMI between 18-24). The obese guy suffers from sleep apnea, meaning he is more than likely to be tired or even snoozing on the job. He costs more to insure and takes more sick days than his/her healthy weighted counterpart. And even though they're intellectual equals, Skinny Minnie can move quicker and get places faster than Fatty Matty. And, like I said before, there are studies upon studies that confirm the general population's anti-fat sentiment. As awful as it is, someone has to say it; which of the two candidates is more likely to make a comfortable social transition into his new work environment? If we consider that both applicants are total equals and that their personalities are thus equally awesome/sucky, odds are that Average Joe is going to have an easier time working with the team than Big Mike.

In a debate on Friday, our friend Chris Christie, the obese New Jersey gubernatorial candidate said, "In case you haven't noticed, I'm slightly overweight. Apparently this has become a great case for discussion in the state. I don't know what that has to do with being the governor of New Jersey." Based on the stance I just took, I'm going to go ahead and argue that Christie's weight has a lot to do with his capacity to run the state. Think about it: You're the Governor of one of the United States of America. I would venture a guess that your schedule, to put it lightly, is a little hectic. Now throw in an excess of about 150 pounds to the mix, and I'm betting that on a purely physical level, it's gonna up your stress level. And maybe I'm crazy but in that line of work, I'd say that extra stress is going to be the just about last thing you're going to want to worry about.

NOTE: As with all opinion pieces, let me know if you agree with me or, more importantly, if you think I'm totally out of line. I'm open to all ideas and my stance is always up for revision.

* Stupid name? Yeah, I think so too.

** Body mass index. I know this isn't a perfect way to judge obesity but its the most objective frame of reference I could come up with. Let me know if you think of something better.

Jon & Kate Adopt Ballon Boy?!?!

No, that's a lie, but I have an embarrassing confession to make. -- I’ve joined Twitter. Ok, not so bad. It’s not like I’m admitting that I read the Twilight books or anything. Though it’s hard to kick the feeling that I’ve joined some sort of cult of self-aggrandizing celebrities and their stalkers, Twitter is undeniably and increasingly becoming a powerful tool in the up-and-coming world of digital media. Twitter is also full of helpful and interesting users who post more than just cleverly worded 140-character descriptions of their rather mundane lives (no offense most of the people on Twitter, now including myself). I’ve been tracking a few members for a long time, but now that I’m a real twitterer (tweeter?) and not just a follower, I can become a more valuable member of this social-network.

First order of business -- push “Jon & Kate adopt Balloon Boy” to the top of the trending keywords. Second order of business -- hire a ghost twitterer who can tweet just like me so I don’t have to spend the 30 seconds a day doing it myself.

Compare & Contrast

I was Google Video searching for an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and I randomly came across this clip of Juliet Weybret, an adorably talented girl who does a surprisingly great* cover of Taylor Swift's 'Should've Said No':

This girl is 16 years old, and accordingly you'll find covers of the likes of Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers (along with more Taylor Swift) on her YouTube page. But sister girlfriend writes her own songs too, and sure they're all semi-cliched songs about star-crossed teenage lovers and stuff, but honestly, I listened to them and ended up nodding my head like yeah.

Anyway, if you though she was good, go listen to a few more of her tunes on MySpace or YouTube, become a fan on Facebook, or follow her on Twitter. I always feel that people like this should be encouraged.

All of this to say that this talented girl's video jogged my memory of another YouTube-published cover of the same song. I'm going to go ahead and let it screech for itself:

For some background-- this sad little person is 19 years old and I'm pretty sure the poor thing takes herself dead seriously. Perez Hilton found the clip a few months ago and it has since gotten over two and a half million hits on YouTube. She takes this to mean that she should continue to film and post her musical stylings on the internet. Yeah, I wish I was kidding.

* Yeah, that sentence probably has too many modifiers in close proximity to each other.

Words to live by...

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you"

-Winnie the Pooh

Wanted: Inspiring Kidnapper

Times are tough for journalists. Or, perhaps more appropriately, The New York Times is tough on journalists. According to an article on their website, the media giant plans to eliminate 100 newsroom jobs, about 8% of their total staff, by the end of 2009. This is just the latest move in an industry wide trend of layoffs, pay-cuts and general shrinking of the struggling journalism business.

In the face of such unstable employment conditions, one man, however, seems to have found the answer. David Rohde, the New York Times reporter who escaped from Taliban captivity in June after more than 7 months of imprisonment, is one journalist who isn't getting fired anytime soon. In fact, he's in the midst of releasing a five-part serial piece entitled "Held by the Taliban," which documents his experience as a Taliban prisoner, a feature article that is certain to be a huge success for the Times.

As a naive college graduate who is picking possibly the worst time to break into the fleeting world of mainstream journalism, I'm strongly considering taking a page out of Mr. Rohde's book. Sure, you're probably asking: "Which page, the one where he wins a Pulitzer Prize for his coverage of the Srebrenica massacre in 1996? Or maybe the one where he becomes the co-chief of the Times South Asia bureau?" No, I'm thinking more about placing myself in a dangerous situation where I will get kidnapped with the hopes of escaping alive to write a detailed and inspirational article for mainstream media release. "It's dangerous, it's stupid, it won't work," you might caution. Well then, how about you find me a better way to fast-track the employment process.

The Fun Theory

Volkswagen Sweden has spearheaded a public initiative* aptly titled "The Fun Theory"-- the premise being that positive behavioral change can be implemented by having fun. To test the theory, VW put three experiments in place, and in each case found that fun does, in fact, have the capacity to change behavior for the better:

Experiment #1: The Bottle Bank Arcade

Experiment #2: The Piano Staircase

Experiment #3: The World's Deepest Trash Can

As cool as the experiments are in and of themselves, the best part about VW's campaign is that it's success as a viral video has prompted the company to host a Fun Theory competition. If you can identify a problem and then find a fun way to fix it-- ta-da, you could be up $5,000. That, my friends, is marketing genius. You can bet that there will be some awesome concepts that'll come out of this and who's going to get the credit for prompting it? Kudos to you, Volkswagen.

So yeah I think it's a great idea and if anyone can think of a way to make picking up dog shit fun, let me know. I'll split the five grand.

Check out the official fun theory website here, the competition guidelines here, and the jury bios here.

* viral marketing campaign.

Words to live by...

"If you think "Party in the USA" is ironically awesome, go home. If you think it's authentically awesome, let's dance."

-John Mayer

Oh, to be German

Isn't this a treat? I mean, I got a kick out of it.

Too pooped to post big tonight, but yeah, enjoy this little morsel.

Words to live by...

"If you're robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny."

- Jack Handey

Likes & Dislikes

Things I Like:

• Celebrities* who give their children real names: Personally, I just don't follow the school of though that allows famous people to name kids things like Blanket or Pilot Inspecktor.
• True love**
• Glee: I love this show so much that I catch myself wishing that they'd just release the DVD instead of making me wait 7 days between episodes. Those bitches.
• Crate & Barrel***

Things I Dislike:

• Canned tuna
• The whole Jon & Kate drama: I just feel bad for the kids and I'd offer to boycott all tabloids that feature them on the cover except for the fact that I just don't have that kind of self control.
• Horror movies: Horror movies are either so bad that you want to subject yourself to a gruesome death rather than watch them, or scary. I'm sorry but neither option really appeals to me.
• Milk as a beverage****

* Sarah Michelle Gellar recently gave birth to her first, a baby girl called Charlotte Grace. Lovely and normal name, right? Anyway, I thought it was interesting that such an obscure celebrity keeps cropping up in my 'likes' column-- I featured her a while ago for owning a non-puntable dog. So yeah, kudos to her.

** I got so overwhelmed trying to elaborate on this that I think I have to do a whole entry devoted to true love. So yeah, coming soon.. or something.

*** While Crate & Barrel takes the cake because of their exclusive marimekko designs (see above link/ picture of bedspread for proof), this like also applies to Pottery Barn, Restoration Hardware, West Elm, and [obviously] IKEA.

****As an accompaniment to cereal? Sure. As a component in yogurt? Great. Pancakes? Awesome. Ice Cream? Yes, please. By itself? Absolutely not. I'm sorry but that's just fucking disgusting.

In case you were wondering...

In honor of the comedy troupe's 40th anniversary, Gnews has taken it upon itself to rank Monty Python's top twenty sketches. It's pretty much brilliant. I'll post the classic Dead Parrot here for you to enjoy, but if you're looking for a few more laughs, be sure to check out the full listing here.

Famous People

There are a lot of people in this world. Unless you are a severe agoraphobic, blind, or a hermit on a small, isolated island, seeing them is unavoidable. Whether you're driving down the street or walking to your local grocery store, it's largely inevitable; you and a bunch of random people will cross paths. Sometimes its awkward (whoops, we made eye contact, quickly look the other way), sometimes its delightful (chick in black dress, 2 o'clock), and sometimes it's completely surprising and unexpected, like when you see a person of considerable celebrity in a place you weren't expecting.

Spending a lot of time in Washington D.C. makes this final occurrence somewhat frequent, though the "celebrities" I see are generally politicians who I have trouble recognizing or little interest in engaging. Unlike sports, movie, or music stars, I can't really tell them that I'm a fan of their work. "Senator, your vote to invoke cloture motion on H.R. 386 -- simply amazing" just doesn't seem right. Though any forced interaction might be boring, it is at least the politicians' job to handle such approaches in a professional and dignified manner. Other celebrities, however, are less bound by this obligation. Though some musicians and athletes may feel compelled to humor their fans by giving autographs, taking pictures, and generally accepting massive intrusions on their lives when they go out in public, many must hate it altogether. I kept this in mind on Monday.

Yesterday, while eating at The Cherry Cricket in Denver, we spotted George Karl, coach of the Denver Nuggets (sure, not the biggest celebrity, but definitely a prominent figure in Denver). He was sitting down, enjoying a meal with what appeared to be his wife, or at least a woman who appeared to be around his age. As we looked over and contemplated going to meet him, he looked back with a glare that seemed to say "don't blow up my spot, dickheads." Nobody else seemed to notice who he was, so we decided to let Mr. Karl continue eating in peace. When he got up to leave, he slipped out unnoticed; not even the woman holding the door looked at him twice. I'm sure he was happy to have a quiet lunch, though I can't help but wonder if he was thinking the same thing I was: "Do you people know who I am? I'm kind of a big deal." Just in case Mr. Karl is reading this, I noticed you, buddy, and I could have ruined your lunch for an autograph and a good "famous people I've met" story. Now, all I have is this. You're welcome.

Talking Heads + American Psycho = Duh.

So I've been in Colorado for the past few days and during that time I came across Miles Fisher's* truly delicious cover of David Byrne's "This must be the place". Not only is his interpretation of the song generally unreal, but I thought that the video's nod to the cult classic American Psycho** added an interesting twist:

As blasphemous as it is, I think I might like this cover better than I like the original. And the original is sweet on the worst of days.

If you're as into it as I am, you might consider some of Fisher's other music. His new four-track EP is available for free download from his website.

* Actor/Musician/Harvard Alumnus/Really Good Looking Dude

** Ok, let me say that if you haven't seen the movie, just do it. It's totally worth your time, I promise. If you're unacquainted with Fisher's inspiration, (or if you just happen to be in the mood to watch two minutes of Christian Bale as a psychopathic stock broker), here's the red-band trailer for American Psycho. If nothing else, you've got to admit that the physical/ manneristic resemblance between Fisher and Bale is pretty impressive.

Sky Mall: Love it and Hate it

A few days ago, American Airlines almost kept me from reading Sky Mall.

To many, this may not seem like a big deal. For me, however, this is a phenomenon repeated only when copious amounts of alcohol or severe lack of sleep physically prevent me from reaching into my seat-back pocket to browse the latest edition of the gadget-filled magazine. Sky Mall easily wins the award for simultaneously being the most insanely awesome and most absurdly ridiculous magazine. Girls and Corpses Magazine comes in a close second. So, almost every time I find myself on a plane, I open up Sky Mall and browse through the volumes of expensive items that nobody actually needs. This time, however, American Airlines provided me with an interesting alternative. No, it wasn't American Way Magazine, which isn't bad, nor was it the in-flight NBC programming, which is great for the most part. American Airlines now offers internet on all Boeing 767-200s, select MD-80s, and will soon be added to their Boeing 737 fleet. Since this feature's limited launch over a year ago, AA has siginificantly enhanced their coverage, but has also maintained a fee of around $10 per flight for the service. Reading Sky Mall is still free -- I went with the old faithful and found a few gems definitely worth sharing:

1. Telekinetic Obstacle Course

This first item is a stretch even for Sky Mall, and that's really saying something. The product is actually called Mindflex and is distributed by Mattel for cheaper than Sky Mall's price of $99.95. The game comes with a headband and two earlobe clips that measure the focus of your brain waves to increase or decrease the speed of a fan, which determines the height of the ball. You move the ball through an obstacle course by either focusing harder, to speed the fan up and raise the ball, or focusing less hard, to slow the fan down and lower the ball. Definitely a cool idea, but this product raises a lot of questions. Mainly, isn't this a pretty big deal? You can power something on and off with your brain and the first application we're hearing about is in a toy? At any rate, someone apparently must have managed to economize the production of EEG brain wave monitoring technology. For anyone who thinks this seems an awful lot like some sort of Jedi mind training exercise, don't worry, they've got that covered too. All these brain toys are weirding me out, I'll just stick with my simple computerized Marshmallow Bazooka.

2. Electronic Feng Shui Compass

Wow, I don't even know where to start with this one. I guess the "Fortune Compass" has been on the Sky Mall circuit for a while actually, but why? Maybe because for the "New Low Price" of $199.99, yuppies with only superficial knowledge of the ancient Chinese system of aesthetics can now easily pretend that they've embraced positive qi all along. And they can do it in a way they understand, by pointing something at something else, pressing a button and reading a screen. This high-tech portable compass uses "advanced aerospace guidance technology" to maximize "supportive energy fields" and "align your physical surroundings to help manifest your goals and intentions." Old feng shui compasses, called Luopan's, looked like this. As an indicator for spiritual and energetic conditions, yeah, that seems about right. The Fortune Compass, on the other hand, is just capitalist electronic bastardization of an ancient pseudoscience neatly boxed in something that looks like a blood tester for diabetics. The screen that displays the word "success" when pointed toward a completely rearranged living room should be replaced with a mirror and the word "failure." For more idiocy, try Aculife Therapist Deluxe.

3. Solafeet Foot Tanner

This product is quite simply absurd. If there was ever a time that I'd actually recommend a spray-on tan, it would be on a small, inconsequential, often ignored or overlooked part of your body, like your feet. Don't get me wrong, I love feet (not in that weird kissy way) and I also love putting myself in positions where they won't get tan while the rest of my body does, but spending $229.99 for a foot bed that zaps your feet full of UV rays seems unnecessary. And if you were thinking that this product was generally acceptable because foot cancer isn't an issue, you're just plain wrong. Foot melanoma is the deadliest cancer.

Other notables include:

• The Slanket: Why get a Snuggie when you can pay more for the dumber-sounding Slanket?
• 3D Web Camera: You'll be watching porn in three dimensions before you know it.
• Migraine Magic Plus: Tested on Guantanamo detainees!
• Pure Fun MagicShowerhead: Make showering on ecstasy even more fun!
• Big Pitcher Water Treatment System: Why drink H2O when you can have H4O?
• "Lost Balls" golf book: Nice title, that's all.
• Underwater Cellular Phone System: Drowning your day-to-day worries is now impossible.

Now there's a Neverland perspective

The cover of this month's Architectural Digest features an interesting retrospective commentary on Michael Jackson's famous home, the sprawling Santa Ynez Valley estate so dubbed 'Neverland'. Now, I think most people agree with me when I say that I find the fact that a fifty year old man of unspecified race made himself an eerily child-centric amusement park in which to live somewhat unsettling (at best), however, attached to the article is a web-exclusive: an eight photo slide show that considers some of the ranch's design.

I found that the photo gallery offered some insight into the property's value as an architectural/ design monument. Understandably, when we look at Neverland, we tend focus on the absurd and thus forget the discerning design elements that really make it complete.

Personally, I favor light colors and clean lines in interior spaces, so I find the ranch's wood-panelling (which, by the way, is effing everywhere), a little oppressive to say the least. Despite this, I can certainly appreciate the genius in the house's embellishments. I, for one, would die for the big copper hoods that he has in the kitchen or the old wood sculpture of the roosters he has on display in one of the foyers.

I can't say that I've ever considered the property in that light so I got a kick out of the feature. Let me know what you guys think, I'm always interested in other opinions.

If you missed the link above, check out the architectural photo gallery here.

If you liked that, you should also look into photographer Harry Benson's brief and heartfelt portrait of the King of Pop and his abode here.

In case you were wondering...

In New Orleans this Friday, Dillard's is hosting a promotional event in which those customers who purchase a new pair of UGGs will be presented with the opportunity to personalize their new boots with a bedazzled design of their choice.

Ok, first of all, if the notion of putting rhinestones on an UGG doesn't make you want to vomit, I'm going to go ahead and ask you to sit down and reevaluate all of your life choices. Don't get me wrong. I think UGGs are warm and comfortable and even cute if you're rocking a "Yeah, I just rolled out of bed in this casually oversized flannel and black leggings" kind of look, however, unless you're a young lady between the ages of 9 and 12, their rustic charm should never be undermined by a rhinestone unicorn.

Secondly (and most importantly), the ad claims that those applying said designs will be professionals. My question is this-- How does one go about becoming a professional bedazzler? As soon as I find out, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'll be out there getting my degree. Seriously, I can't think of a higher calling in life.

Empire State of Mind

Jay-Z picked an irritating time to come out with his new album, or maybe more importantly, to release his new single "Empire State of Mind," featuring Alicia Keys. As I mentioned earlier, I was in NYC this weekend, and this song, being pretty damn good and infectiously catchy, was stuck in my head the entire time. I couldn't walk a block without Alicia Keys' chorus popping in my head. It took a lot of restraint not to bust out my falsetto. Those streets have never heard such beautiful music. Anyways, here's a quick rundown of lessons I learned from my nights in the Big Apple.

In New York City:

You can expect to eat and drink on a budget, of sorts. NYC doesn't have shortages of many consumer related services; restaurants and bars are no exception. Though the prices of things like gas, groceries, liquor, and housing are inflated in the city, the sheer number of restaurant/bar establishments tends to drive the average price of a beer or a meal down. It definitely wouldn't be difficult to end up with a $10 cocktail and $20 entree -- or something much more expensive for that matter -- but if you're actually looking for a good deal, finding a $4 beer or rail drink with a solid $10 meal isn't hard.

Don't knock the street meat. NYC is full of good stands and falafel shops, which generally run between $4-7 for a solid meal and a soda. There are plans for my return to the city for "The Great Falafel Tour of '09," a week of cheap meals, delicious fried balls (that's what she said), and frequent stops to public restrooms.

You can't expect to get in the Cash Cab. There are thousands of the standard, chrome-yellow taxis operating in New York City. Many of these are vans, so just because you see a Toyota Siena with a bald driver and what could possibly be game-show lights inside doesn't mean you should get excited. Yelling, "Hey, its Ben Bailey," the driver/host of Cash Cab, is a good way to get people's attention, but a bad way to make friends.

Museums here aren't free, a commonly known fact that evokes uncommonly angry sentiments from Washington D.C. natives. James Smithson died nailed to the periodic table to make the Smithsonian institutions free for all (is my history not correct?), so please excuse us when we lament the fact that New York has no such patron saint of museums. The entrance fee for NYC's American Museum of Natural History is actually a suggested donation of $12, for students, which you can "pay as you please," according to the docent at the front door. But come on, we all know that he's practiced his various disdainful responses. When I "donated" an even half of the recommended $12 he only made me feel like half of a cheapskate. I don't think I could have handled the concise, soul-crushing beatdown he would have given me if I told him I was giving him a measly buck.

There are of course various other observations that I made in New York City, but considering that we're already all the way down here after just covering the bases, I'll save them for another time. By the way, listen to that song:

I wanna be Taylor Swift for a day.

So the makers of Guitar Hero have made their own version of Rock Band (appropriately named Band Hero), but they have Taylor Swift on their side.

Yeah, they win.

Words to live by...

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

-Mahatma Gandhi

Really, Montblanc.... really?

Today, in commemoration of 140th anniversary of Mahatma Gandhi's birth, Montblanc-- the German purveyor of luxury writing implements-- has released a limited edition fountain pen with a price tag of, get this, $24,763.00

Before I declare this to be one of the most moronically misguided luxury product launches ever, let's take a moment to review my personal stance on prestige items-- and here it is: I love luxury goods. I spent months of my life locked in the dungeon that is the Johns Hopkins library studying them. I love the companies that furnish them, I love the manner in which they are sold, I love the unique desire that they provoke in otherwise reasonable customers. In a word, I find the whole concept of the luxury industry completely and utterly fascinating.

Montblanc is no exception to this interest. Having briefly studied its business model and corporate strategy from an academic standpoint, I can safely say that--the present Gandhi travesty aside-- I think Montblanc is a pretty great/neat/swell company. I would go so far as to call it the bee's knees. The cat's pajamas. Whatever.

This said, let's take a moment to evaluate the situation. Correct me if I'm wrong (after all, I'm no historian) but Gandhi is known as one of history's greatest political and ideological leaders. His central philosophy is largely based on such concepts as asceticism and general simplicity, right? Now, with this in mind, how in god's name does Montblanc justify trying to sell a $25,000 pen in his honor?

Says Oliver Goessler*, regional director for Montblanc in India, Africa and the Middle East, "It's not an opulent pen. It's a writing instrument that's very pure."

Um, I beg your pardon?

In case you were wondering, here's a rundown of the allegedly non-opulent pen. Each of the 241 individually handmade units features an 18-carat solid gold, rhodium-plated nib engraved with Gandhi’s image, and a saffron-colored opal on the clip. Each will be sold with a 26' long gold thread that can be wound around the pen to 'invoke the spindle Gandhi used to weave plain cotton cloth each day**,' and, of course, will include a booklet of inspiring Gandhi quotations.

And believe it or not, the whole thing gets even more ridiculous. Because, as Goessler puts it, "when we talk about Gandhi, there has to be an edition that's more accessible," Montblanc has graciously put out a more affordable version of the absurd Ghandi pen. How much will that puppy run you? Oh, a mere $3,500. A trifle, really.

In all fairness, Montblanc has tied the pen to two significant charity initiatives, one of which is headed by Gandhi's great-grandson. In my opinion, though, if the company had wanted to make an actual, right now difference, it would have bought a truck load of BICs and distributed them in elementary schools across India.

But that's just me.

* I got all of this idiot's*** quotations from this article.

** I've never heard such ridiculous garbage. The notion of rough handmade cotton cloth is supposed to be invoked via a filament of solid gold on a $25,000 pen. Jesus.

*** Ok, so I probably shouldn't trash talk this dude since I might want a job from him some day but, come on-- if he just became less of an idiot he'd save us both the trouble.

Put my mask on...

So i told you guys that Trishy had something a-brewing and so she does...

To catch you all up, public health officials are up in arms about what type of mask healthcare workers should be wearing in order to minimize the potential for transmission of the virus-- standard medical face masks or N95 surgical masks*. This might seem somewhat trivial to us (and, ok, it sort of is), but in the world of public health and epidemic control, this is an end-all be-all debate.

Just released today in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA)**, is an editorial co-authored by epidemiologists Trish M. Perl, M.D., MSc, and her CDC protegé Arjun Srinivasan M.D.*** which comments on a simultaneously released study by Mark Loeb, M.D., MSc. The latter is a beautifully executed clinical trial which considers the case of respiratory protection in light of the resurgence of H1N1. Both the study and the editorial come to the conclusion (somewhat unexpectedly to most of the medical community) that based on what tangible facts there are, there is no palatable evidence that N95 masks offer any protectional advantage over standard face masks.

The CDC will release its official guidelines any day now, so we'll see if this new insight affects what they tell us to do. And to those of you people who freak out and get super paranoid about this kind of stuff, chill out for a second. Jesus.

* Just to give you some grounding, N95 respirators are the kind of masks that they used during the SARS outbreak and around patients diagnosed with TB (i.e. consumption--no joke). They are designed such that they actually filter out any particles larger than 5 microns (gross germies). Regular face masks protect people from large droplets like spit (say it, don't spray it, folks), but don't actually filter anything out of the air.

** JAMA is kind of a big deal. They have many leather bound books and their headquarters smell of rich mahogany.

*** Knowing this guy, I think that his credentials should probably read M.D., S.N.D. (super nice dude), but that's just me. Incidentally, if anyone can figure out how to invent and distribute new credentials, I'd be interested to know.

I'm on a Bus

If this...is coming...through...choppily...it's because...this internet...is...very...very...slow. Okay just kidding. But really, it is. That being said, I'm taking a bus from DC to New York City and it has internet. The connection is as slow and painful as a snail trying to moonwalk across a frozen French lake, but it's internet nonetheless. I've been looking out the window, seeing if any auto-parasites have caught on, hovering in the lanes next to us and leaching our internet, but I think both the bus and the internet are moving too slowly to make it worth the effort.

Anywho, I strongly recommend the Bolt Bus as a means of travel. The seats are comfortable -- if bus seating can be comfortable -- it's not too crowded, and it seems like the riders have a general concept of social decency, unlike on Amtrak, where it seems like passengers wait to get on the train to have tormentingly awkward phone conversations for everyone else to suffer through. Best of all, it's $39 round-trip and drops you off right at Penn Station. The driver also informed us that they're now doing trips to Philadelphia, Richmond, Raleigh, and some other cities around the Mid-Atlantic coast. Anyways, it's about to be big boy in the big city, so hopefully I'll hit you with something more exciting next time.