S to the Wizzle, F to the Lizzle

The Department of Health and Human Services recently held a video contest that invited contestants to create a creative 15-30 P.S.A. about prevention for the H1N1 strain of influenza (Swine Flu).

The recently declared winner is Dr. John D. Clarke, M.D., FAAFP, Medical Director of the Long Island Railroad. He won by spitting a pretty fierce rap about effective prevention techniques for the ultra-contagious strain-- you can see the winning PSA above. If you check out Dr. Clarke's YouTube page, you'll see a couple videos of him freestyling about Swine Flu-- and honestly, dude's got flow. Forreal. Keep poking around YouTube and you'll find other performances where he covers diseases that range from Asthma to Diabetes.

Is a Jay-Z and Dr. C collaboration in the works? Um, probably-- like they said in a New York Times blurb:

"...if you ask us, anyone who can rhyme "hand sanitizer" with "I advise ya" should win a Grammy."

Stay tuned for more swine flu updates over the next few days-- Dr. Trish Perl* has some interesting stuff abrewing.

* For those of you who don't know me, Dr. Trish Perl is both very busy and important and... well... my mom. God, I'm lame.

The 2nd Amendment and Zombies

First of all, I'd like to thank Dom for the nice introduction. She got me down pretty much to a tee, as sad as that is. Anyways, I'm very excited that she's back.

Now, on to an issue that is very dear to me; our 2nd Amendment rights as Americans. As an important precursor, let's take a look at this guy, Dean Allen (R-SC) who is now running for Adjutant General in South Carolina, the only state that holds such an election. If you're wondering what this title is, the all-knowing Wikipedia tells me that he's effectively "The senior military officer and de facto commander of a state's military forces." Little wonder then that this candidate is holding some of his fundraisers at shooting ranges, where people pay $25 for a BBQ lunch, shoot their guns at targets and buy raffle tickets for the chance to win an AK-47, semi-automatic of course.

Many people cringe at the idea of such clear-cut moves away from gun control in any way, shape, or form; I mean these are machine-guns we're talking about here. My support for events like this, however, can be explained in one simple, important word: zombies.

"The most important right the people have is the right to keep and bear arms" Mr. Allen said in his interview with MSNBC. Well said, sir. When zombies come banging at your front door, moaning about brains or shrieking their blood-curdling screams -- are we talking classical Romero, Night of the Living Dead zombie outbreak, or new-school, 28 Days Later style pandemic? -- you can be damn sure that the rest of your "less-important" rights as Americans won't count for squat. The only thing that these undead, flesh-eating abominations will answer to is the hot-lead justice of the 2nd Amendment. So, go ahead Mr. Allen, give civilians live ammo and AK-47s, and please, for the love of god, teach them how to shoot. When the zombie horde comes a knocking, I'm going to South Carolina.

Quick Note: Nick

Since you guys have been enjoying Nick's posts all week, he's really done most of his own introduction for me, but since I like to hear myself talk, I'll say a few words anyway. Nick was a poli-sci major in college and a current resident of the D.C. suburbs, so he's fairly well-informed on political matters. He's spectacularly lazy and plays a lot of FIFA/ watches a lot of sports, while at the same time extremely athletically inclined. He therefore knows a lot about sports and the like. Last I heard, he was looking to get into journalism so he's up on pop culture and current events. And finally, as I'm sure you can tell for his posts, he's a pretty funny guy. Long story short, when this multi-faceted dude asked me if he could write for me, obviously I said yes. Like Dito, Nick will be a jack of all trades for me, but clearly he has his areas of expertise, which are humor, sports, and politics.

Before I finish this post, I just want to take a quick second to publicly thank Nick for holding down the fort here this past week. I've been somewhat incapacitated and I can't imagine what it would have been like with the added stress of daily posting so, really-- I can't thank you enough, buddy.

Democratic Assasination?

Over the weekend, someone apparently used a 3rd party Facebook application to publish a poll begging the rather unaskable question; "should obama be killed?" So, it took a few days to gain some traction, someone on Twitter brought it to the attention of some blogger who brought it to the attention of the Secret Service, then the major news outlets caught wind, and in the end, after a few days, it was pulled -- after over 750 people voted on it.

Wow. Perhaps the most frightening feature of this poll, which can be seen here, is the answer selection given by the pollster, probably a youngster with little knowledge of capital letters living in a home perpetually tuned in to Fox News and Conservative talk radio. The answer, "if he cuts my health care," is just the latest proof of the volatility that the far-right has injected into this dispute. The far-right's fringe arguments, however -- the impending imposition of "death panels," government oversight meaning the complete obliteration of private insurance and a loss of healthcare for the middle-class, etc. -- seem to be making a rapid transit into the mainstream Conservative debate. When Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, and Rush Limbaugh's crazy talk becomes commonly repeated by people much closer and much more moderate than the extreme Conservatives that I have witnessed only in faceless YouTube comments, not only do I get scared, but we, as a society, rapidly lose the ability to have thoughtful discourse on anything, healthcare or otherwise. Once that goes out the window, it's only a matter of time before people actually think ridiculous things, like killing the president is the best way to make sure he doesn't take away their healthcare. Oh, wait...

Cosmos Remixed

For any fan of Carl Sagan out there, first of all, you are not a nerd, at least not in the negative sense of the word. Second of all, watch the above music video. It's an excellent tribute to the elegant simplicity with which Carl Sagan conveyed complex and controversial ideas to the general public, as well as one of the few opportunities you'll ever get to hear Sagan and Stephen Hawking autotuned.

Also, if you haven't seen Cosmos, definitely check it out. For a film-series made in the early 1980s it is both groundbreaking and mind-blowing, as well as available to "watch instantly" for anyone out there with Netflix (or streaming online here). When rabble like this is going on (not like it ever isn't, but I think giving out free copies of "The Origin of Species" with a 50-page foreward by Ray Comfort, a man who pointed to bananas as the "atheist's nightmare" and irrefutable evidence of a Creator, may be going a little bit too far), it is the contemplative wisdom of intelligent, humble, communicators like Carl Sagan that we need the most.

Double Impact

(Note: This post will not be about the similarly named 1991 film featuring Jean-Claude Van Damme)

I'm generally pretty happy with my status as a thoughtful consumer. Most of the time I buy what I need, when I need it, and I'm usually not a sucker for silly marketing gimmicks. When it comes time to buy personal hygiene products, however, this all changes.

I don't know what my problem is. I can identify the useless bells and whistles, and, even though I know they're largely, if not completely ineffective, they always manage to sell me. I haven't bought a toothbrush that doesn't pulsate and require a battery in at least three years. I don't even know if I could use my Colgate Oxygen Bubbles Extreme Clean toothpaste on a basic toothbrush anymore. Perhaps worst of all are my buying habits for deodorant and shower needs. I can proudly say I was once turned off from buying an Old Spice scent called "swagger" because of the inherent douchiness of such a nomenclature. Apart from that, however, I have exhibited less restraint.

Case and point: yesterday I went to CVS to buy some new body wash. I could have gone with a normal soap that smelled good and provided simple cleaning. Instead, a fancy Old Spice Red Zone bottle caught my eye. With features like "Advanced Cleaning," "Advanced Hydration," and "NEW!" I could hardly resist. So, I bought "Double Impact," the product's stupid name (maybe I'm the douche). What I didn't realize was that the blue bottle (which looks like one of those glass bottles filled with colorful sand, if you replaced the sand with radioactive Cookie Monster vomit) was actually the stuff I would be cleaning my body with. So, this morning I lathered myself with the chalky, not-particularly-good-smelling, abnormally-blue paste (yes, paste) and exited the shower feeling no cleaner or more hydrated than before. In the end, the only double impact I got was spending extra money AND feeling like an ass. Fail.

So, You Hate Football

Football season is finally in full swing. For lots of people, this means the return of an obsession. A chance for their team to rise to glory, to continue past ways of victory, or emerge from the ashes and finally have a good season. For the football-hating loved ones of these fans, however, this season signifies something different, the loss of weekend time with the obsessed. So, here's a short list of things you can do to win someone back from the grasp of must-watch sports programming. (Notice: Author does not guarantee or recommend these actions.)

1. Play Along

This is perhaps the easiest solution, though for some the most painful. Just pretend you like watching football too. Buy a Tom Brady jersey and wear it on Sundays. Learn some football jargon, (eg. "field goal," "interception," "touchdown") and scream when appropriate. The football fan might be excited that you're at least willing to feign interest toward something they feels passionate about. A difficult but generous compromise/sacrifice for the betterment of your relationship.

1a. Play Along (Alternate Version)

This option is for anyone who really can't stand watching a 200 minute football game, let alone four or five in a weekend. Still buy the Tom Brady Jersey. Now, research the personal love lives of football's celebrity crossovers. Loudly discuss the latest tidbits of their personal lives, even if they're not playing. Only pause from these ramblings to improperly use football terminology at key moments in the game: "Sack," "safety," "blitz," use them all whenever you feel like it. Also, make sure to ask "was that bad?" whenever the fan looks especially upset. Though your loved one might secretly hate you for using this spiteful tactic, the odds of them becoming so frustrated that they actually stop watching the game, at least at your house, are pretty good. You win!

2. Love Ice Skating

Football fans cower at the sight of ice skating. It is their kryptonite, one of the few forces that can repel a football-loving human from a TV that is, at that very same moment, fully capable of projecting a primetime football game. This is unfortunate, because there are plenty of reasons to watch ice skating. Hot women, awkward gender confusion, ridiculous costumes, and the frequent and embarrassing wipeouts compounded by cold ice on the ass. The real enemy of televised ice skating, or ice dancing, is football. These events are conveniently broadcast on TV only on Saturdays and Sundays. You can be assured that during any (regular season?) televised skating competition, a few clicks of the remote can quickly change the screen from pristine white ice to rugged green football field. It is your job to keep this from happening.

You must embrace and adore ice-skating: insist on watching it whenever possible, learn the names of ice skaters, research the drama filled histories of ice dancing partners, identify the different spins, whatever it takes to convince your loved one that you will be incredibly unhappy if ice skating is not on the TV. I understand this is may be a complex, character defining charade, but how important is this battle to you?

3. Take up a demanding religion

Another extreme identity shift, I know, but a problem this serious warrants an action this radical. Religion is often the best excuse for anything because it is nearly impossible, or at least extremely risky, to call somebody's bluff. So, get affiliated, get denominated, start practicing. If you want to get really creative, combine a few religions. Form a devout hybrid of Judaism and Christianity. On Saturday, insist that your loved one observe the Shabbat. On Sunday, take them to a prolonged Christian church service of your choice. After creating the Heavens and Earth did God take his day of rest, on either Saturday or Sunday (or in this case both), to watch football? Nope, so why should they?

In the end, if none of these solutions seem viable, it's probably because they aren't. Sure, it's possible to make more drastic steps (withhold sex, conversation, eye contact, or any other staple of a relationship, as retribution for watching football, or change the channel to home shopping or a Joel Osteen sermon and hide the remote). It's also possible to take more practical steps (have a serious conversation about such life-consuming addictions, or get HBO and convince them that its Sunday television lineup is better than watching a bunch of big, sweaty dudes run around on TV). But the lesson here is really that it is nearly impossible to forcibly tear a die hard fan of anything away from their passion. Trying too hard to do so will most likely destroy your relationship, or prove, once and for all, that many people will happily take football, or anything they feel passionately about for that matter, over an overly possessive partner. In the end, if football ends up being an intrusive fact of life that you're just going to have to accept, don't despair, it's usually only shown on Saturdays and Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays, and sometimes Tuesday, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Panininini

I told Dom I would write something for this blog. This is not that something. This is, instead, an important observation to get the ball rolling.

The concept of a panini is brilliant. It's a delicious sandwich theoretically improved by being toasted. Take the sandwich, smash it between two piping-hot, ridged metal grills. After a few minutes it comes out, cheese perfectly melted, meat perfectly heated, bread all nice with the charred lines, ready to eat, or so you think. You size up the meal in front of you, pick it up, make sure its not too hot, and go in for that first bite. That's when you realize that the idea of a panini is really the best part of it. That shit is just way too crispy. As you try to chew the delicious innards of the sandwich, the toasted bread fights back, tearing up your gums with its armored carapace of browned carbohydrates. Now, you realize it hurts, but the inside really does taste great, so you grin and bear it and continue to eat it. In the end, your hunger might be satiated, but the roof of your mouth and your gums pay the price, especially when you go for the Listerine later that night.

Now, maybe I don't floss enough (damn you Dr. Rapavi, if you'd told me flossing would make eating panini fully enjoyable you would have gotten through to me better), or maybe I'm just a pussy, but the next time I go for a panini, I'm going to consider asking for a more flimsy kind of bread, or perhaps finding someone else to chew it for me first.

Words to live by...

"Don't you know that only the good die young"

-Billy Joel

in memoriam christopher quon

Quick Note: One Thousand Visitors

As of today, this blog has had 1000 individual visitors. They've hailed for 43 out of 50 states and 13 different countries.

Long story short, thanks for stopping by.

* Note: If you like my blog, help a sister out and whore it out for me once in a while... The traffic goes up literally ten-fold when you guys help me out with the advertising. I'd be ultra appreciative.

Wanna experience some Big Love?

Colorado City, Arizona, the alleged home of at least three polygamist mormon sects, is now a tourist destination. For those of you who've always wondered about life as a polygamist, you're in luck. As of tomorrow, you can now sign up for a four hour tour of the city called, no joke, "The Polygamy Experience". For the bargain price of $69.95 per adult ($10 off for kids under 11, and a 20% discount for groups of 20 or more), you can:

"Experience a day in the FLDS* life with former FLDS members who were born and raised in the Creek. Stories of growing up in this unique religion, a picnic set in the beautiful Vermillion Cliffs of southern Utah and northern Arizona, and intimate views of markets, parks and cemeteries, frame the previously closed community with detail and respect."

If you're curious, here's more about polygamy and mormon fundamentalism. It makes for an awesome wikipedia adventure.

Ok. I think I'm done here.

* Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Words to live by...

"The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity"

-Harlan Ellison

Happy Birthday Mlle. Caissa

I remember being 9 years old and going with my dad in our '95 Subaru Outback to pick out my very first puppy. My parents and I disagreed on the particular breed of dog we were to welcome to the family ( I wanted a super-lame Labrador*, and they wanted a Weimaraner), and had thus compromised to see puppies of both varieties. My brilliant parents, knowing that at 9 years old I was going to take home whatever puppy I saw first, conveniently chose to see the Weimaraner litter before the Labradors.

Sure enough, I took one look at the adorable blue-eyed puppy and lost my shit-- scooped her up in my red Hanna Anderson jacket and took her back to my house and she's been with us ever since.

Mademoiselle Caissa Franconia Monix DeLisle turned 13 years old today. Here are a few links in honor of this:

• The name Caissa, contrary to my idiot friends' popular belief, is not a feminine version of the Spanish word for 'cheese'. Since you asked-- it comes from the modern myth of the Thracian dryad of the same name, who is often touted as the patron goddess of chess. Read more here.
• What's a Weimaraner, you ask? You know, the dogs that that guy dresses up and takes pictures of. You knowwwwwww. The ones they use to count with on Sesame Street.
• So my dog turned 13... how old does that make her really? Glad you asked.. here's the explanation. And here's one of the 1974 Alpo advertisements (featuring actor Lorne Green) that popularized the notion that one dog year equals seven human years. You might notice that the featured dog is also 13 years old.

That's it.

Here's to you, old lady.

* I apologize to proud Lab owners for thinking that your dog is boring. Doesn't mean he's not a good dog. Just... you know....... boring. If it makes you feel any better, at 13 years old, my dog sleeps like 92% of the time so I guess that makes her kinda boring too.

In case you were wondering...

I am obsessed with Harry Potter. I love him. Knowing that I am of an excitable nature, then, imagine my reaction when I was informed that the 20-acre 'immersive' Harry Potter theme park called 'the Wizarding World' will be opening this spring at Universal Studios in Orlando. Above is a virtual tour of the park-- which looks, needless to say, freaking sweet.

Budgeted at around $200,000,000 dollars, the Wizarding World will be complete with a Diagon Alley/Hogsmede amalgam -- home to Olivander's, Zonko's joke shop, and Honeydukes candy store, the Three Broomsticks (which will serve butterbeer. Actually.) and, of course, the iconic Hogwarts castle. Visitors will be about to shop, eat, and enjoy rides inspired by Hippogriff flight and the tasks of Triwizard Tournament. I wonder if there will be a giant chess board....

If you want to know more, check out the official website here.

Oh em gee. Spring break here I come.

As to Kanye 's little, um, 'moment'...

MTV Shows

I'm pretty sure he was kinda drunk. And by the time he posted an apology on his official blog, he was straight up hammered*:

“I’M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD’VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE’S IN THE BLEACHERS! …………………… I’M IN THE WRONG FOR GOING ON STAGE AND TAKING AWAY FROM HER MOMENT!…………….. BEYONCE’S VIDEO WAS THE BEST OF THIS DECADE!!!!

I’M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MTV. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO TAYLOR 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I’M A FAN OF REAL POP CULTURE!!! NO DISRESPECT BUT WE WATCHIN’ THE SHOW AT THE CRIB RIGHT NOW CAUSE … WELL YOU KNOW!!!! I’M STILL HAPPY FOR TAYLOR!!!! BOOOYAAAWWWW!!!! YOU ARE VERY VERY TALENTED!!! I GAVE MY AWARDS TO OUTKAST WHEN THEY DESERVED IT OVER ME… THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!!!!!! I’M NOT CRAZY YALL, I’M JUST REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!! I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR TAYLOR AND I’M SINCERELY SORRY!!! MUCH RESPECT!!!!!”

Right? There's no other explanation for either the initial douche move and the subsequent struggle with coherence (and the English language as a whole, actually) that he exhibits in his apology.

Long story short, as much as I love Kanye's tracks- and by god I do***- as far as I'm concerned he and Joe Wilson can hold hands, braid each other's hair, and go to hell together.

*UPDATE: I've just been tipped off to this blog entry. God, I'm so right.

**(Equally douchey)

***Just ask my long suffering ex-roomie, the lovely Abbie. She's gone through more than one week-long period over which I've refused to listen to anything else. And we're talking nothing else... only Kanye.

Susan Boyle + the Rolling Stones = yes, please

The endearing and talented Ms. Susan Boyle* has just release a cover of my favorite song of all time, Wild Horses, by the Rolling Stones.

Her interpretation is, in a word, stunning**.

Enjoy.

* While we're at it, go ahead and refresh your memory-- here's the video of Ms Boyle's heartwarming debut on Britain's Got Talent. Seriously, could she be more awkwardly adorable? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

**I just split an infinitive. And even though it's allowed (technically), it still hurt me. Deeply.

In case you were wondering...

LAMB vs. LAMB

Oddly enough, the world's most expensive lamb doesn't have a big V-12 and 630 horses. It's not meticulously upholstered in Italian leather. It doesn't come in canary yellow. Oh, no. Because the world's most expensive lamb is actually a sheep.

Baa.

At a recent sheep auction in Lanark, Scotland, Jimmy Douglas paid roughly $392,000.00 for the 8-month old 'Devonshire's Perfection'-- the highest price ever paid for a single lamb and almost double the amount of the previous record.

The BBC article features a post-auction video of the proud new owner, who appears to be explaining his rationale for shelling out big bucks for a friggin sheep. Problem is, Mr. Douglas's Scottish accent is so thick that I can't understand a word he's saying. Except for maybe 'fur'. And 'aye'.

Maybe it's just me, but beyond what promises to be the world's priciest rack of lamb, I'm not sure what this guy is getting out of this.

Watch the video here, and then tell me what you make of it.

Words to live by...

"Make it work."

- Tim Gunn

Words to live by...

"Dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in"

-Paris Hilton

for more information on this quotation, click here

Douchebags!

GQ has put out a highly amusing and surprisingly accurate list that purports to expose America's 25 douchiest institutions of undergraduate study*. In compiling the list, GQ has named the specific subtype of douchiness of which the college is guilty, the symptoms caused by said type of douchitude, what douchey things graduates will be doing 10 years from now, and other institutions that deserve mention within a particular category of douchiness-- for example, though UVA wins top honors for home of the 'blue-blazer [southern country-club] douche', it is undeniable that Sewanee and Vanderbuilt merit recognition under that heading.

Now, my plan had been to find a good picture of a douchebag on google end the post there. If you go ahead and type 'douchebag' into Google, however, you'll understand when I say that some of the stuff I ran across was just too good not to share with you:

1. Here's an article from a local paper called B that outlines the anatomy of the a douchebag on differing degrees along the douchebag spectrum. For a little context, Baltimore is not only home to little old me, but also a veritable cesspool of extreme douchebags. The city breeds them. I hypothesize that this is due to the fact that its Mid-Atlantic location makes it a centralized meeting place for all manner of douchery-- from those who still have lawn jockeys and claim the Confederate flag is just an expression of regional pride, to those who summer anywhere ('the Vineyard' or Nantucket, more often then not), to the New Jersey guido, to Baltimore's own Lax Brah.' If you think I'm off the mark, though, then please feel free to share your theories with me.
2. Las Vegas, so troubled by the current economic situation, actually launched a marketing campaign that celebrates the douchebag. I kid you not. If you score high enough on the douchebag quiz, they give you coupons. In true douchebag fashion, the posterboy for the initiative has a particularly douchey MySpace page. Yeah. MySpace.
3. OfficialDatingResource.com** terms douchebaggery a medical condition. It has a full write up of causes, symptoms, and treaments for Douchebag Syndrome, WebMD style***.
4. How could I make this post without mentioning www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com. Go. It's brilliant. Just go.

*As an avid Tar Heels fan, I particularly love that the feature claims that though Duke deserves the number one Douche spot, they didn't want to make Duke number one at anything.

** I didn't know anyone needed an official dating resource, but hey, should that need arise, I guess we're all covered.

*** I don't want to be sexist, so here is OfficialDatingResource.com's write up on Princess syndrome, the affliction that they claim to be the female equivalent of douchebaggery.

I love health care, Yes, I do, I love health care, how bout YOU

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

In case you missed it... Obama's big health care speech. I haven't formed an opinion yet but I'm curious as to yours.

*Note: Michelle Obama's hair/makeup/arms = correct.

** Note: Joe Wilson yelling "you lie" was, in a word, um, inappropriate.

I love pretty clothes. I love America.

Therefore I love New York's Mercedes Benz Fashion Week.

Need more of a reason? Fine-- how's this? I love New York's fashion week because it sort of gets you out from under the oppressive shadow of the classic French and Italian design houses. That's not to say that Givenchy and Bottega Veneta aren't flawless-- but I can't help feeling that some of the younger design houses that show in New York (think Zac Posen, Cynthia Steefe, and Marc Jacobs) have modern takes that are far more inviting to fashion newcomers than what we see in Paris and Milan.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that the exclusivity cultivated by the fashion industry exactly puts it in a position to succeed in today's economy. I think that the modern approach fostered by New York's fashion week is less exclusive in a way that allows it to reach a wider, and perhaps less experienced audience. To me, that's awesome. It means that more and more people get excited about the clothes they are wearing, and that subsequently, the design houses cultivated in Bryant Park's wake are going to do a lot more for today's fashion business than some of the classics whose approach is to pander to a narrow, exclusive audience and then ignore everyone else.

In addition to the designers I mentioned before, I'll be looking forward to some other collections-- Michael Kors, Tibi, Hervé Leger by Max Azaria*, Badgely Mischka, Caroline Herrera, and my personal favorite, Christian Siriano**.

The festivities start tommorrow, folks. Heads up.

* Footage above is Hervé Leger's fall/winter collection. I have mixed feelings about it but it's worth a gander.

**God, I love this little man. He's just such a delicious little slice of bitchy fashion genius. Actually, if you check out his official twitter, you'll get not only a nice look at his personal prep process for the big show, but also a maddening teaser picture of his obviously-going-to-be-flawless spring collection.

I'm just curious but...

What do you think Lady GaGa's natural hair looks like under all those wigs?

I'm asking because really, I'm just at a loss.

I've got nothing.

Oh my god, this is hysterical

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

In case you were wondering...

Tim Watters, the so-called 'world's greatest Bill Clinton impersonator' has grossed $1 million dollars in a year, owns six cars and two beach houses. No wonder that this year, at the Annual Convention of Celebrity Impersonators, actors like Ron Butler (above) are participants in the race to become the number one Obama impersonator. How very bizzare.

Read all about it here.

Happiness

Since I've been having fun with music videos lately, I thought I'd share the perfectly adorable video to the perfectly adorable song, Fireflies, by Adam Young's Owl City. Prepare for emotional/spiritual uplift. Yes.

To those with low tolerance for this type of music, I apologize. To all you people like me, you're welcome.

For an additional giggle, have a look at this really fun commercial for the upcoming West Side Story themed MTV video music award featuring the talents of Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Cobra Starship (including a quick cameo by Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester*), some unreal dance moves by NeYo, and, of course, the ever entertaining Mr. Russell Brand.

VMA West Side Story: Full Version

* She did the female lead vocals in Cobra Starship's summer hit Good Girls Go Bad. Actually, she got into show business to be a singer and sort of fell into acting. Who knew? Anyway if you like that song, enjoy a little throwback and go back and listen to Cobra's Snakes on a Plane (Bring it) from a few years ago.

** I don't get a ton of traffic from New York City, but I get enough to point out that Russell Brand will be doing a rare live show tomorrow night in the city. I'm bummed I can't be there so for those of you who can make it, gogogogogo.

Ukraine's got talent?

A few weeks ago, my darling little sister shared the following video with me. I saw it, loved it, and wanted to post it right away. It came to my attention, however, that I should probably do some research on the premise behind the clip. So, here we are, a few weeks later:

The artist is Kysenia Simonova, 2009 winner of the Ukrainian version of 'Britain/America's Got Talent'. The medium is known as sand animation, in which the performing artist creates a series of images by dusting a piece of backlit plexiglass* with sand and then rendering recognizable forms with his or her hands.

The story that Ms. Simonova is telling is really the most interesting part of all of this. Having watched the clip knowing nothing about the sand animation's narrative, there is something intuitively emotionally gripping about its plot progression. However, if you consider that both members of the audience and the judging panel are moved to tears, I gathered that as an outsider to Ukrainian culture, there were some key historical elements to the story that I was missing. And here they are--

What we know as WWII is in Ukraine called the "Great Patriotic War". Theirs was the most devastated nation in the entire global conflict--more so even than Germany. After Stalin decimated Ukranian numbers with famine, they lost 25% of their national population as a result of the fighting-- it is estimated that about 20% of all WWII casualties were Ukrainian. With this context in mind, the animation's narrative really comes to life. As explained in Ms. Simonova's artist's portrait by the Guardian:

"She recounts Germany conquering Ukraine in the second world war, bringing calm, then conflict. A couple on a bench become a woman's face; a peaceful walkway becomes a conflagration; a weeping widow morphs into an obelisk for an unknown soldier. Simonova looks like some vengeful Old Testament deity as she destroys then recreates her scenes - with deft strokes, sprinkles and sweeps she keeps the narrative going. She moves the judges to tears as she subtitles the final scene 'you are always near'"

There are videos of Ms. Simonova's other sand animation performances on Ukraine's Got Talent, as well as more information on the artist available online. I'm too lazy to put them all up so here's the Google search to get you started.

*Think transparency projectors like we had in elementary school

Likes & Dislikes

Things I Like:

• Kids like Brennan Labrie*, whose charm lies with the fact that they take themselves 100% seriously (see above video). In this vein, if you want to hear the cutest thing ever, have a listen to Scott Simon interviewing him on NPR**.
• The color green
• Curtis Stone. He is my future husband. In celebration of this, become a fan on Facebook, or, alternatively, make some delicious french toast.

Things I Dislike:

• Whaling. And dolphin hunting. And the Japanese government for allowing it. If you're undecided on the matter, go see The Cove.
• Bono. Bono. Bono.
• People who can't be bothered to put the toilet paper roll on the toilet paper holder. Number one, it's just effing lazy. Number two, how much effort does it really take to make the switch-- like, none. And number three, if you're not going to change out the rolls, then why have a toilet paper holder in the first place? Why?

* The kid in the video at the top of the post, dummies.

** Multiple Choice-- this kid is, a) one of those weird home schooled kids, b) the most adorable child alive, c) gay, d) all of the above, or e) none of the above

One of my rare soapboxes

My guess is that you probably know to avoid eating beluga caviar and Chilean Sea Bass due to dramatically diminishing fish stocks. You check that your canned Tuna is dolphin-friendly. But, if you're anything like me, your understanding of seafood sustainability ends there.

Enter Seafood Watch, a seafood advisory list created and maintained by the world famous Monterey Bay Aquarium. First of all, you should check out the official website just because. It's super educational, and definitely worth a gander. I, for one, learned that tuna live to be 35 years old and don't reach sexual maturity until age seven. Nor did I know that since the advent of commercial fishing, the ocean's fish stocks have been depleted by well over 90%. Woof.

Beyond these interesting facts, just a quick look at the information available allows you to make infinitely more informed decisions about the fish you buy. I mean, come on-- who would have known that eating Halibut from the Pacific ocean is totally kosher, while Atlantic halibut (genetically the same species), is not. Who thinks to ask whether your shrimp were caught via trawling or nets? Not me, I can tell you that much.

Now, I've never been one to promote hippie shit. I'm sorry but I'd never give up a 3 series for a Prius, and I simply refuse or to end my addiction to ultra-soft, 2 ply toilet paper to save the trees. But really, adhering to Seafood Watch's guidelines is about as low-effort and high-impact a gesture as you can make. Really.

Seafood Watch allows you to look up virtually any kind of seafood there is and it will tell you the advantages and disadvantages of consuming said fish or mollusk. It gives you alternatives to the species that the guidelines recommend avoiding, and best of all-- for us iPhone users-- the rules are conveniently available as a free application.

To conclude, I will leave you with this thought: If you are what you eat, then don't eat Bluefin Tuna. Otherwise you'll be pretty much extinct. That's all.

Dom's brief yet comprehensive version of the VMA's

It's come to my attention that in the vast array of subjects that my blog covers, I've seriously neglected the music front. So, with the upcoming MTV video music awards, I thought I'd take a moment to share some of my all time favorite music videos with you all. In the spirit of keeping the entry manageable in length, I've come up with three categories that I deemed generally representative of good music videos, and named my top three in each sector.

Disclaimer: This list is probably too heavy in more recent videos (2004-today) and I can't say that I'm any kind of connoisseur, it's just a list of considered preferences that, hopefully, you all will find to be a moderately entertaining distraction-- I know I did.

BEST DANCE:

3. OK Go "A Million Ways"

I don't really have much to say about this-- I'm going to go ahead and stick to my contension that it sort of speaks for itself.

2. Michael Jackson "Bad"

Obviously Michael Jackson has to go somewhere in the best dance category, and most minds jump automatically to the (justifiably) omnipresent Thriller video. Though the clip is undeniably excellent, My vote goes to the criminally underrated video for "Bad". I tend to get bored in dance-heavy videos but the Scorsese directed "Bad" is so expertly put together that you literally can't look away from the screen. If you liked it, you should also check out the 16 minute full length Director's Cut-- Part I, Part II.

1. Britney Spears "Stronger"

I stuggled between this and the classic "Baby, One More Time", however, I decided that when push comes to shove, the chair dance always wins

BEST STORY:

3. T.I. ft. Rihanna "Live Your Life"

Backwards moving story line? Check. Corsets and burlesque Jazz clubs? Check plus. T.I. looking smooth? Check plus plus plus.

2. Taylor Swift "You Belong With Me"

Ok so I know that this choice is cliche but, I'm sorry-- I just don't care. No matter how many times I watch it (and that, I'm sad to say, is a lot of times) this video manages to leave me grinning like an idiot and sighing about my newly restored belief in true love. In three minutes, Taylor Swift succeeds where most full-length romantic comedies have failed.

1. Foo Fighters "Learn To Fly"

This is one of my long time favorites. Just watch it-- if you don't chuckle even a little, I'll send out a search party for your sense of humor.

BEST CONCEPT:

3. The All-American Rejects "Dirty Little Secret"

This particular band is awesome at matching the story of the video to their song in an unexpected way. Where you might expect to see a typical story of secret lust attached to "Dirty Little Secret", the All-American Rejects use the music video to put a unique spin on the song's title. If you liked this one, I also recommend "Move Along".

2. Jay Z "99 Problems"

This is gorgeous. Plain and simple. Just beautiful.

1. Incubus "Drive"

This is my long-standing favorite music video of all time. Fun fact-- Brandon Boyd (the lead singer), did all of the drawings and animation for the clip. Unreal, right?

*****

As I said before, I hope you found this a pleasant distraction. If you guys have any music videos that you think I'd like (or that should at least be called to my attention), leave a comment or send me a facebook message or tweet it to me or whatever. If I like your suggestions enough (or if I get enough suggestions, let's be honest here), I'll do a Reader's Video Music Hall of Fame post. Or something.

In case you were wondering...

The most popular*story on CNN's homepage today is titled: FDA says residue is frog or toad; how did it get in Pepsi can?
The story highlights, as selected by CNN.com are the following:

• Fred DeNegri and wife found matter resembling "pink linguini" in Pepsi can in July
• FDA concludes blob is toad or frog "lacking internal organs," not sure how it got there
• FDA examined bottling plant in Orlando, did not find anything connected to incident
• Pepsi says FDA's finding affirms its confidence in integrity of manufacturing system

Woof. Read the whole story here.

* Ok, so I know its an important (and gross) story, but does anyone else think its sort of sad that this is the kind of news to which America responds? Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that there is a Middle-East peace process to which we should be tending.

Feel-good flick of the year

If you know me or if you've read my blog for a while, you'll know that I love to eat. And that I love to cook. I love to eat, and I love to cook. I do. I really, really do.

This is mind, understand that my appreciation for Julie & Julia (now in theaters, obviously), might be somewhat biased, however, I'm going to go ahead and tell you to go see it anyway-- it think that my personal preferences for good cooking aside, the movie is still worth the $8-10 ticket fee. Really, if you don't come out from the movie theater grinning from ear to ear, 1) I'll eat my Williams & Sonoma apron, and 2) there's something deeply and possibly irrevocably wrong with you.

If you're at all interested in the story behind the movie, have a look at the original Julie/Julia Project-- the blog that inspired the book and the subsequent movie, and Julie Powell's current blog. Finally, have a look at Ms. Powell's assessment of what the flick got wrong.

And seriously-- If you're having a gross day-- go see it. The movie is nothing if not heartwarming.

The world's greatest product

You know those products that you never knew existed but now that you know you can't live without it? My freshman year in high school, it was the iPod. Post-grad, my interests (as you can see in my profile) have gravitated towards things other than digitizing my musical collection.

Enter the Moskito-Finito-- a hand-held, mosquito-zapping badminton/squash racket hybrid. My father received one for his birthday in July and until recently I had not been privy to the Moskito-Finito's full range of mosquito-killing talents. Rest assured, they are unbelievable*. Check it out here**.

*The sound of a mosquito hitting the racket is a thing of beauty. A zap followed by a prolonged and sadistically satisfying fizz. Oh, yes.

** This is the only one I could find online, but I'm told ours was purchased at Restoration Hardware.