On that note

In light of Nick's enlightened article on parenting in the digital age, I thought I'd share this skit from Taylor Swift's relatively recent appearance on NBC's Saturday Night Live. I found it timely and appropriate and weirdly accurate.

And, while we're on the subject-- if you haven't been watching, next time you need to waste a hot minute, check out this season's SNL. Critics haven't been stoked on the season but I'm going to politely refute their assertions and tell you all that the sketch comedy show is at its funniest since the golden days of Tina Fey and Will Ferrell circa 1998. Beyond Swift's adorable performance, don't miss the episode hosted by steamy Gerard Butler. This particular skit may or may not have caused me to pee in my pants. Yeah.

Facebook Parenting

I must be getting older. Everywhere I look, I see parents who seem closer to my age than my parents', or my parents' age when they had me, for that matter. It weirds me out. It doesn't really surprise me though-- kids in my middle school were getting pregnant at 14 -- but I can't stop wondering how parenting in this era of constant social networking is going to effect the child rearing process.

Facebook has really changed it all. Maybe it's actually the source of my weirding out. Status updates and pictures have made the reality of young, early 20-somethings with babies very hard to deny, avoid, or ignore. Everytime I log in, the evidence of the youthful procreation of my peers is pushed in my face. Not that it's really that bad yet. The pictures are often cute, and the status updates aren't as cheesy or annoying as they apparently can be.

STFU, Parents has provided concrete evidence, however, that parenting in the Facebook generation can really be much more annoying than I'll hopefully ever have to know. I've personally yet to see updates about someone's kid's genitalia, the consistency of some tike's feces, or pictures of someone's youngster dropping a douce while playing the recorder, and for this, I'm thankful. There is, however, certainly still time for these developments to take place. I have a feeling that as my Facebook friends' obsessions shift increasingly away from themselves and toward their offspring, I'll start seeing more "too much information" updates or pictures. This is in itself a little bit weird for me, as I've always forseen a time when I would "outgrow" Facebook and get rid of my page, not simply adapt to the ever changing reality of my real life by sharing it with my digital friend circle. Oh well, to each their own.

An alternative way of thinking here might actually just encourage the parents to get their kids a Facebook page before they are born -- hell, get them a gmail account too, because we all know the good names are going fast. Not only could this serve the preliminary purpose of updating the world on any pregnancy developments, but after the baby is born, you could use the page to write cute things on mommy and daddy's walls, as if you were the baby! Wow, how clever. As the kid grows up, the parents can encourage their toddler to make "real friends" by Facebooking their playground acquaintances. This will ensure a seemless transition into the world of awkwardly friending random parents, posting incriminating pictures from an applejuice rager after nap time, and having a discussion with little Kimmy on whether they're ready to make their "holding hands" relationship "Facebook official." The future is looking bright for the next generation.

Horrible Parents make Horrible People

You know what... Life is really fucked up... Filled with fun and games but also birth and death... Two things that can really bring you and the rest of the world down. Although birth is usually a little more uplifting then death, lots of births are tarnished by the knowledge that the parents of this small human are too fucked up to take care of themselves, much less take care of a baby.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It takes patience, practice, calculated decisions, and a fuck load of time. Children are incredibly needy and annoying and it takes a superstar to be able to put up with them day in and day out without resorting to some-sort of physical or verbal abuse. Most people just cant take it. And so they either just bounce, or they start freaking out and abusing the kid in some manner. Hence why so many people spend so much time and money sitting in a chair talking to a stranger about their problems. It sucks.

So many people are cheated out of the proper childhood and thus the rest of their lives are marred by the various horrible experiences that happened when they were young and their parents were blowing crack hits in their face.

My plan to save us all the trouble of dealing with these crazy neglected humans is to try to cut down on them. And no, I'm not proposing genocide. What I'm proposing is that people be required to obtain a license before they give birth. They should have to be able to prove that they are stable enough to have a kid and take care of it without being neglectful.-- that they are stable enough to not verbally or physically abuse the child if it's crying. Basically, just a little short test to determine them capable of having baby. I'm not saying it should be the fucking LSATS. Just a small examination so that we cut down on the number of single mothers or babies that come from fucked up broken situations, because that never turns out well for the kids or, frankly, society.

This may sound crazy to you, but China requires you to have a license to give birth. And you're only allowed one baby per couple. Now, I'm a little ashamed to say that we should look to the Chinese for advice. Maybe that's proof right there that this idea is fucked. But I dont think so. I think what's fucked is people who's entire lives are stolen from them because they are obsessed with something horrible that happened to them when they were children. Crack heads, meth heads, and Mormons should not be having children, end of story.

Come on Barack Obeeazy, lets see what you got.